Does anyone feel the same like me?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lonely83, Feb 22, 2014.

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  1. Lonely83

    Lonely83 Active Member

    today I did a lot of shopping which costed so much money, electronic device and some clothes. but now I'm feeling guilty……I will kill myself soon, why I wasted all these money even if I kinda need these items. Even during shopping, I would resort to buy cheaper and less good items as I convinced myself I'm going to die soon, so I don't need to buy that good/expensive.

    Does anyone feel the same like me? even though you wanna die everyday, you would still care about things that you shouldn't have, or guilty about spending money shopping?

    I'm thinking if I had suicided, would my family get confused why I still acted so
    normal or mad at me that I wasted money for things that I didn't use for long.
     
  2. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Your spending and shopping habit shows some confusion but also is perhaps your way of hiding what is concerning you.

    You dont mention any reason that suicide should even be considered, perhaps you can give a bit more info?

    As for spending on what you possibly dont really need to buy, lots people easily led into doing that. Stores are experts at doing tgat to us remember. So maybe buying budget items you actually beat them! You could always return unwanted items before you use them anyway.
     
  3. 9426

    9426 Member

    I'm on Welfare disability because of my depression and other mental health issues so I can't afford to spend too much or else I won't have money for the rest of the month. I do notice when I get my check at the end of the month the first thing I do is go grocery shopping and buy a bunch of junk food.
     
  4. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you are feeling this way, I know it is painful. I have used shopping as a coping technique before. I would buy things I didn't need or even really want, but it felt good at the time. Afterwards I usually wondered way I bought the stuff though. I wish you did not have those suicidal thoughts and I hope you can also get some professional help for them. Without the professional help I am not sure if I would have been able to continue on. This site has also helped me greatly as it allows me to express things that I can not elsewhere. It also helps to know that we are not alone. Please take care.
     
  5. Lonely83

    Lonely83 Active Member

    As I said I really NEEDED the items that I bought, I didn't buy any new clothes for years, yesterday was my first time in years, and the electronic device is necessary item. The reason of my guilty isn't they are unnecessary, they are necessary to me, I'd been wanting to buy them for a long time. The main reason I feel guilty is the way I act is contradicting my thoughts.....feel betrayed myself and guilty....

    I would also buy junk food to cheer myself up from time to time, but these items would be consumed in short time, so i don't really feel guilty, but those items I bought could be used for long time (years) and I'm not sure I would use this long if I die soon, and they are non refundable which is pretty common in my country.

    I don't think shopping is my coping technique or get attracted by shops' discounts, as I'd been wanting to buy these items that I really need it. I just think when I'm going die soon, I shouldn't have cared stuffs this much or bought stuffs that you wouldn't use for long.

    Anyway thanks for the replies, and hope you will get out of this dark hole soon, I admire the courage of you seeking help which I don't have, sorry that I don't wanna share my reasons of suicidal thoughts, I don't wanna open my wounds and talk about it, thank you all!!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 23, 2014
  6. Lonely83

    Lonely83 Active Member

    Or I can talk myself out of this guilty feeling by thinking even suicidal ppl could still buy the items they like/need/want until the day they kill themselves, even though you are gonna suicide soon, doesn't mean you couldn't enjoy until the last min
     
  7. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Here in uk we have a very popular website moneysavingexpert.com martin lewis who started it has a little mantra before buying something....do i really need it.....can i afford it...can i get it cheaper somewere else. Sometimes good to use that!

    My personal response about spending and buying though has more often than not, to simply not buy it if it was for me. Im hopeless at treating myself. Example of this last year i was in position to buy an expensive convertible car. No real reason not to. I could easily afford it and everyone encouraged me to as i deserved it. I hessitatated and made lots reasons why not to. And someone else is now the proud owner.

    A year on and my life has been completly upturned. I have lost everything but i am still here. I dont need a nice new convertible. But guess what....even as cautious as i once was i wish i had bought it. At least i would have had some pleasure to experience before this nightmare.

    I have now promised myself that once i am out of this bottomless pit i am going to do my best to be good to myself if i feel i deserve it. I will have my new convertible. Sooner than i can imagine.
     
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