Does anyone go into their head?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by justMe7, Jul 5, 2011.

  1. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Not sure, maybe im just a loon.

    I guess these are personal but this is what i do.

    This is embarassing.
    I turn my music on and I come alive in my head, Im in different places and scenarios, releasing how i feel. It doesnt make sense completely.. but this last one was different. I was on one side of bullet proof glass, just being me. I was dying, fading away the music made me feel like it was worth it, like it meant something and someone was on the end bashing it with all their might, trying to break the glass. i touched the glass with my hand and gentle looked into his eyes to let him know it was ok and i didnt want him to feel that way. it wasnt worth his energy or soul. then more came .. it just evolved.

    I susually have ones where im fighting myself to find a moment where I can withstand. I used to before this have ones where i felt and saw everything i could and was able to sit and have it flow around me and be myself. before then i couldnt see as much but i could harness and create and draw in my mind. But that was more so dillusional with the scenarios. Now ..

    Idk.. thats what i do. I imagine a better life with the situations around me, i see further and see how i can direct it. I see myself as someone whose a real person and alive and capable of making these situations happen. But idk.. I feel more alive in my head and heart then i do in this life.

    It's disturbing that i lost that balance where i could feel as alive in life that i do inside my head and heart. but it's all i have left ot breath in thats free of the subjections of other peoples flows. It's my freedom. but its a realistic torture at the sametime, and then applied to reality, it 's a greater falure.
    Stupid mind.
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I experience something similar. I have an unusual problem with talking to myself, but that probly stems from my complicated social phobias/anxieties. For quite some time each day I would just lie on my bed and close my eyes. Then I'd start living a life. Sometimes it's just flickering images. Ever changing. Other times it's more constant, like a flim.

    From this strange daydreaming occurance I somehow formed the belief that life is like a nightmare, and when we die, we wake up. Most people might say that's the dumbest thing they've ever heard. Well I guess I just ain't as happy with my life, as they are with theirs.

    But I'm fairly sure I've had possible underlying mental problems since I was very young.

    Who knows. :unsure:
  3. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I'd defiantly say that thinking that life is like a illusion or dream and that we're going to wake up from it isn't stupid. I think people who say that just don't understand how to alter to foundations of this life, so they're stuck with their basic understandings of it.
    I once felt like that but it frightened me because of the disconnection i felt from reality, so I forced myself to conclude that this moment no matter when or where is who I am, regardless if it's a dream or im awake. Kinda helps me stay as me I suppose.

    Im not sure how it happened for me, but i love the fluid motions of music, it makes me feel at peace then I can think clearly with it. I think this stems from my inability to create my own fluid rythm in my own life to be honest. But i've tried to not let specifics get into it, I just let my feelings flow with it. Which probably explains alot. There's alot of things i feel by adding small thought environments/situations that create the structure for my feelings to express and split and resist. Keeps me alive, when i find the fight in me. Though it's useless in relaity, it only makes me feel alive I suppose. Ive done my best to not apply specific issues to it, because that only distorts the reality of those issues in my opinon.

    I was thinking about it, about how we deal with life by dealing with the things that come at us from the outside, and how we have other things in life to energise and motivate us and use those to create a balance or positive influence so that life doesnt smuther us. I realize though that no matter what happens, I feel now like a system like that would drive me nuts. Im slightly chaotic. I always want more, something more passionate and intense to connect and ultimatly experience. Perhaps I do this because its the next best thing to actually being able to experience and do something meaningful that matters. It never lasts, I never think about what I feel or experience twice, cause it has no substance, but it's like a shot of life that in some instances can last longer than the inital intake. I mean like if I listen to a song for 5 minutes, or whatever, those feelings can linger on past the songs end, giving me an opportunity to use their dispersing motion to a motivational advantage. without letting them cloud my perception on reality.

    Bah.. Right now in my head i keep feeling like im beatin to the ground with no energy, and having to find the energy to rejuvenate myself while resisitng and nullifying those aspects that are attacking and bombarding me to the floor. Though im beating myself up, im atleast finding the ways of feeling those feelings that inspire me to get back up.
    Kinda shit method, but whatever. People just would think im nuts, but i felt it's better to exsist in some fashion then to become comlpetely hindered emotionally by my own fears and inabilities in reality.

    To look at it from an overview, yeah I figure there are alot of personal issues that forced me into this. Along side being an idiot and someone who cant connect or understand life. I can atleast create and understand my own feelings and explore them without hinderence or direction rom anyone else except the motions of music. But yeah.. im know there are alot of child issues involved in my current ordeal.