Not sure, maybe im just a loon. I guess these are personal but this is what i do. This is embarassing. I turn my music on and I come alive in my head, Im in different places and scenarios, releasing how i feel. It doesnt make sense completely.. but this last one was different. I was on one side of bullet proof glass, just being me. I was dying, fading away the music made me feel like it was worth it, like it meant something and someone was on the end bashing it with all their might, trying to break the glass. i touched the glass with my hand and gentle looked into his eyes to let him know it was ok and i didnt want him to feel that way. it wasnt worth his energy or soul. then more came .. it just evolved. I susually have ones where im fighting myself to find a moment where I can withstand. I used to before this have ones where i felt and saw everything i could and was able to sit and have it flow around me and be myself. before then i couldnt see as much but i could harness and create and draw in my mind. But that was more so dillusional with the scenarios. Now .. Idk.. thats what i do. I imagine a better life with the situations around me, i see further and see how i can direct it. I see myself as someone whose a real person and alive and capable of making these situations happen. But idk.. I feel more alive in my head and heart then i do in this life. It's disturbing that i lost that balance where i could feel as alive in life that i do inside my head and heart. but it's all i have left ot breath in thats free of the subjections of other peoples flows. It's my freedom. but its a realistic torture at the sametime, and then applied to reality, it 's a greater falure. Stupid mind.