you're welcome ♥
it was really difficult yeah, it felt so surreal. She was a lovely person ♥
I'm not sure really tbh, I felt suicidal for a while after one of my cats passed away, or maybe it was after both of them I think, I cant remember. I don't have much in real life and my cat was always by my side in this room, I was never alone with her and she was in my life for nearly 18 years. The emptiness of being in this room was hell. I just waited it out, kept getting up each day somehow despite the pain and eventually as time passed my feelings of being suicidal gradually eased off. I guess I would say to hold on to things that make you feel a bit brighter until it passes, which it will. I think maybe it's more a case of accepting how you feel rather than thinking of it as "how can I stop feeling this way". We don't want to feel that way because it's so painful, but I don't think we can avoid it really when we love someone so much ♥
It's more like coming to terms with how you feel, accepting it will be painful and hard but remembering that it'll gradually get easier as time goes on. Also not to compare- grief is up and down and everyone goes through it differently, some people might heal faster than you, some slower. There's no right or wrong amount of time to feel a certain way, although I have read if you feel depressed to the extent it's effecting how you function for about 6 months or longer it's not mentally healthy at that point and you should seek professional help. I think it took me about 2 months after my grandmother's death to feel calmer and not so intensely depressed. It might have taken longer tbh but I had other bad things happen shortly after so my emotions were refocused to the newer grief and worry instead (one of my cats died suddenly just over 2 months after my grandmother did, then a month later my mum nearly died and went to hospital)
I never got any help, but as others have suggested a counsellor maybe, or support groups can be great. They don't have to be face to face if you'd rather not, there's great support groups online for grief.
It will be hard, but you will get through it, and it won't be so heavy feeling after a while. You might even feel a bit better quicker than you think. Probably best not to have any expectations for how long you'll feel a certain way, just go with the flow