I am watching tv a while back and a preacher comes on and he says "you become your enviroment." Do you know what that means? In other words you become your surrondings. If you hang around bad people you are going to become bad. If you hang around drug users you eventually will use drugs. I totally believe it. When I around the few friends I have left I feel great. I feel I can accompolish anything. They have energy and most of all they give me some hope. Well that all changes when I enter my home enviroment. Thats when the depression and suicidal thoughts happen. Thats when the feeling of no hope is constant. My home enviroment is depressing. Literally it drains the life out of me. I am 34 and due to job lay offs and depression I am stuck living at home. I went back to college to "give me hope" but it hasnt. It just a big waste of time. So what do I do? Keep lying to myself by saying it will get better when I know it wont. I do not fear dying, I fear living this way.