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Does anyone understand?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nezumiceplak, Jul 20, 2007.

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  1. nezumiceplak

    nezumiceplak Member

    Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope there'll be someone who understands how I feel, instead of me being dismissed as an attention seaker like I am with everyone else who pretends to listen to me. Secondly, I'm sorry for how long this might end up being, but I think it's the only way I can get out everything I'm feeling.
    It's not that I'm totally alone, I have a few good friends who always tell me that they're there for me, but I don't believe them. I don't know why, but I find it totally impossible to believe anyone truly cares for me - not even my own family. I did begin to believe one person actually could have loved me, but now even he seems to be messing me around.
    I have so many problems in my mind because of the past, and I don't seem to be able to let them go. As a child my father ignored me, even though he lives in the same house, and put me down a lot to the point of where I now have severe problems with myself confidence.
    There's other things going round in my mind, but I'm not sure how to write them down. But not being able to believe anyone likes me, and hating myself as much as I do, is making the thought of attempting suicide again a lot more tempting. I've taken to self harming again, and I drink quite a lot to try and take away the pain.
    If you made it though this I really appreciate you taking the time to read it, and please don't think of me as a stupid attention seaker like the rest of the world seem to.:sad:
  2. Persephone

    Persephone Active Member

    I do. I promise you I really, really, do.

    Here is an analogy that came to mind a long time ago. There are certain vitamin deficiencies that cause irreversible damage in early childhood, like Beri beri. Even when the children get what they need eventually, the damage is done. That's what it is like when you grow up unwanted, unloved, unappreciated. People say "get over it" as if you could.

    The good news: You can. Here the physical analogy breaks down. The damage will always be with you deep down inside and sometimes at low points in your life the pain will re-surface. But you can teach yourself a new way to relate to the world and the people around you and build satisfying relationships and a satisfying self image.

    Want to talk more?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 20, 2007
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Well you've come to the right place. I'll happily listen to any problems you may have and help out as much as I can.
    What your father did isn't pathetic. It's no wonder you have a hard time believing if someone likes you. But try to have alittle more faith in those who say they are there for you until proven otherwise.
  4. nezumiceplak

    nezumiceplak Member

    I'm so glad some people do understand, I was worried I was totally iscolated in thinking the way I do.
    There's a few other pretty bad problems in my family too...The person I got in best in my childhood was my nana, but she passed away when I was 6. But since then I've realised that it was due to the fault of my grandfather, so safe to say I have a pretty low opinion on men.
    Any ideas on how I can build a bit of confidence in myself? I've felt like this for my entire life, I really don't want to feel like this any more...
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Well self confidence can be obtained in different ways. When I was a child I had no confidence in myself. But as i've grown, I've become more and more confident. Especially in the last few years, my confidence has exploded soo much.

    Alot of it comes from liking yourself, having loyal people around you, believing and having faith in yourself.
  6. Isa

    Isa Well-Known Member

    My father ignored me too in the same house. One day he just stopped talking to me and my mother, just an ordinary day. We (my mother and I) werent allowed in the living room ("his room").. but my other sister was. If I said hi I'd be ignored.

    Meanwhile my sister put me down constantly..

    So I can relate...

    Hoping you find support here, and self confidence, of any kind, in the future.
  7. nezumiceplak

    nezumiceplak Member

    thats what happened with my dad, he banned us from a certain room in the house where his computer was and refused to spend time with us. I think the silence in our house hurt a lot more than any amount of shouting would have
  8. Isa

    Isa Well-Known Member

    *nods* parents can be very damaging, we take the blame on for everything because we dont know exactly what we did wrong. When usually its nothing
  9. thething912

    thething912 Well-Known Member

    I care about you.
  10. thething912

    thething912 Well-Known Member

    I think you should think about the good thing that you are.
  11. Persephone

    Persephone Active Member

    For what it’s worth, I can validate what you feel and what your feelings are doing to you. If it’s any consolation, you are normal. You are, in fact, the victim of a backfire in a survival mechanism.

    Every mammal is born with a need for nurturing. The more complex the society of that species, the more its survival needs depend on emotional nurturing as well. That’s where we all learn the subtleties of living in a complex society. That’s when we humans learn essential things like self confidence, self respect, etc which we need all our lives to build a complex set of relationships essential to our survival. Did you know that the vast majority of our brain is dedicated to social interaction?

    OK, I know I’m getting to sound pedantic; but I think you need to know this

    Ugly experiments on chimpanzees have proved that we share the same traumas when deprived of a nurturing early environment. We share the same reactions, the same physiological and emotional disorders. How many of us can say we don’t bear some scars
    of childhood injustice(s)? Some suffer more than others. That seems to depend in part on individual resilience. That too, is where survival of the fittest comes into play. Nature doesn’t give a damn about the individual. Ain’t that a bitch?

    But we do!

    If you got this far, you’ll want the good news too. Experiments have also proved that the effects are reversible. Ready to try?
  12. Snowman

    Snowman Well-Known Member

    I understand! :eek:hmy:
  13. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I don't see people as attention seeker's because if someone mention's suicide especially then that mean's serious business,and it's not to be taken lightly because ignorance and arrogance may just push that person over the edge.
  14. nezumiceplak

    nezumiceplak Member

    I want to thank everyone that's replied. I know I don't know anyone, but knowing I'm not alone, and that people understand what I'm going though, is the best comfort I've ever had. I still don't feal great about myself, but being able to read all the replies I've had has helped a lot. If anyone ever needs any help at all, don't even think twice about talking to me, about anything! Knowing I'm not alone may have saved me from doing anything stupid.
    Thank you all!
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