does anyone?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by katy101, May 27, 2009.

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  1. katy101

    katy101 Active Member

    does anyone just constantly go over and over in your heads the reasons and past 'evidence' that you dont deserve to live and that you must kill yourself and that life is pointless

    i do

    all the time

    it wears me out
  2. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    every day. It is exhausting and eventually I think it takes a toll on me and I either hurt myself or find a positive way out of the darkness. It's always a crap shoot though.

    But I hear you on playing the same broken record over and over again.
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I do, so so often. I keep fighting though, I feel like I'm running against the wind most of the time though and eventually I'll fall over and just sit there on the floor for a while.

    It's so hard to keep pulling yourself up to fight and then getting knocked over. But the fighter inside me won't let me give up and kill myself.
  4. Ben121

    Ben121 Active Member

    I do deserve to live and I deserve a better life then I have. I just think am better of dead. I keep looking for a reason to carry on when I can not see any. Well not any for me. All the reasons I have to carry on are for other ppl not to be hurt.

    I hear what your saying desperateanddepressed about constantly trying to fight all this and constantly being knocked over again and again. Its frustrating. In fact frustrating is probably the beast way to describe my life.
  5. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Does anybody ever try to think up new reasons to carry on? To sort of give themselves a sense of purpose and another reason (other than hurting friends and family).

    Because I get what you mean on that also Ben121, frustration at the constant knocks. I mean, how many times can the repitition happen before a person just says "ENOUGH!"
    So I'm like constantly trying to find new reasons to keep me here but there just don't seem to be that many. One of the worst things I even wanted to do for a while was to have a child just so there would be someone who I knew wanted and needed me. Terrible terrible reason to have a child and I'm so glad I didn't go through with it.
  6. Ben121

    Ben121 Active Member

    I do all the time. And apart from the friends and family bit I can't seem to find a reason apart from you don't know whats around the corner. The thing is like its a bit like you say how long can you keep waiting to see whats around the corner.

    There was a time in my life I was struggling not just with the problems I have now but also on the money front I was even struggling to feed my self proper meals for lack of funds. I confessed all to a friend and all he could say was you don't know whats around the corner. I thought ye what ever. easy for him to say has he had a full time job and lived at home with mummy and daddy paying nothing for his keep. Where I am not able to work fro a spin that's all fucked up. But something did come around the corner and at lest I don't struggle in that way any longer. That is something I remind myself of a lot. That you really don't know what is around the corner.

    But ye I do always try to find reasons to carry on that are not just if I end it I well hurt me mum and dad.

    I don't work and don't have a partner and not ever likely to have ether. I live alone also and all this has been the same for me since I was 20 (14 years) So you can see I think why I would struggle to find a reason. Plus my health is not always good for me to do things fro no fault of my own. It is difficult to find a reason and I think this is maybe why I have come here.
  7. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I tell myself that life is pointless but I do not deserve to die, nor do you or anyone else here :hug:
  8. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    i feel like that records constantly playing too :sad:
  9. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Yes, I always have those thoughts in the back of my mind, even when I'm 'alright'.
    I agree with Ben, maybe there will be something or someone good coming to me soon, that thought keeps me holding on.
    Sometimes I do feel tired of waiting...
    Katy. :hug:
  10. Shezamura

    Shezamura Well-Known Member

    ever since the day she left me, i have yet to find a real reason to live. I cut myself, which i havent done in a long time, and wonder how much more worse its gonna get. not because im just pessimistic... it just ends up like that. every time it starts to get even just a little better.... it gets a whole lot worse... its fucking stupid to be honest... I want to die everyday.
  11. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    All day and I'm way to tired to fight it.
  12. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    everyday. those thoughts are always going around in my head.
  13. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Yes, for many, many years. Not so much the "don't deserve to live part", but for sure the "life is pointless" part of it.

    Therapy, meds. and SF have kept me going. I hope SF will help you too.

    I don't quite understand the "past evidence" part. If you can and feel up to it, could you explain that part? If not it's o.k.!

    Please stay with us and give SF a chance to work for you.
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