does anyoneelse stare at heights contemplating jumping them?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by so long and goodnight, Mar 25, 2008.

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  1. so long and goodnight

    so long and goodnight Active Member

    i find myself staring outside this one window which is a long fall and just imagine what it would be like falling freely to my death. does anyone else do this? also i am tempted to stare at anything i see that can cause my death
     
  2. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Yes actually, I have been lately and its kinda freaking me out :unsure:

    I've been having dreams about it too :unsure:
     
  3. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    I do this as well.
     
  4. luphisto

    luphisto New Member

    constantly, i also think about swerving across the centre line of the road into oncoming traffic while driving. i think about how my body would be a limp doll to the force of an oncoming car and its scarily appealing.

    life is peachy
     
  5. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    often. i've had images of jumping from something high recently. i've got this thing recently about "being the ground" because 'i'm worthless and who cares because i don't care anyway' (fleeting thought). but the ground could be somewhere beautiful too. it depends on how you see "the ground" you could see it as something "low," "base" or something beautiful and very necessary with patterns that others don't notice because they are all too busy climbing some ladder or something.

    one of my other places i like to walk across are overhead passes. recently though i (and always have dont to some extent) love/d the speed of the cars beneath me rather than, "i want to jump, this is where i wanted to jump when i was X old, bleh bleh bleh." my way of looking at potential past suicide spots are changing, great isn't it? :wink:
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2008
  6. so long and goodnight

    so long and goodnight Active Member

    or as something people take advantage of and step all over
     
  7. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    yes. :hug:

    but i suppose you could say, no! this patch (and it's not a nice patch, it's a place that people don't want to look at) is mine, i love it and you're not getting it. territory. or i like where i am now. you can look at me like dirt, but what's wrong with soil?

    yesterday i lay myself down in the aisle between a couple of tombstone things. i think i could hear the people underneath saying things to me. probably, 'why are there these weird blocks of stone above me..'
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2008
  8. so long and goodnight

    so long and goodnight Active Member

    "i knew i shouldve been cremated, now im buried alive" was probably what they were saying
     
  9. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    :biggrin: yeah i think a few were saying that . but the ones that were cremated - i lay on the bench in front of them and they were saying, 'why am i buried, i've turned into ash and they've still put me underground.'
     
  10. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    No. I don't like heights so I stay as close to the ground as humanly possible at all times. If I was falling through the air, I'd probably die of fright before I even hit.
     
  11. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    all the time.. at the moment its more the jumping out of a window thats on my mind but when i still left the house, every single time i thought about just crossing the road in a way id get hit by a car (poor driver then though!) or, as some of u might know the uk/liverpool does have a reputation for its yobs n that, i would regularly pray while out on the road for not another innocent person to be hit by a gunshot, but please please me.
     
  12. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Yes. Too often. Fortunately (unfortunately??) there aren't any particularly high buildings where I live, and certainly none that I could get access to. So I shall have to be content with just looking and imagining. :unsure:
     
  13. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Yes. I imagine the injuries I would suffer, the irreparable damage of the fall breaking my body. Since I always think the worst, I think of surviving the fall in a miserable body cast in the hospital.
     
  14. Closed01

    Closed01 Member

    Eh.. I do that all the time. I keep judging if I'd actually die from X height, etc. I hate heights, but it's just another option, y'know?

    It creeps me out a bit that I do, though.
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    i used to do that when i was little!
     
  16. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    I never really contemplate doing it myself...its always an accident or murder...

    I used to work in a shoe store and the door in the back room would usualy be left open. Sometimes when I was among the shelves in the back I would fantasize about someone coming in and beating me to death, or shooting me and leaving me to bleed to death. I zone out alot...
     
  17. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    at my very worst periods, when i look down from an apartment, the ground seems to be 'inviting' me to take a leap.
     
  18. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    everywhere i look where there are heights or anyway to get up to be on top of something high, I get those thoughts of jumping and/or getting a rope for a long drop and snap.

    Frankly, I think it is a big reason why I am afraid of heights.
     
  19. suicidal maniac

    suicidal maniac Well-Known Member

    I go to 'heights' I go to the top and contemplate jumping. Because of a recent event that happened 3 years ago, I have been to places like this 4 or 5 times. I have seriously contemplated suicide over 10 times in the last couple of years and I was ready to go through with it to many times. The mind is a horrible thing when it's not healthy, for me the worst though is that I was high when I started thinking things that is trigerring my suicide now. I don't know when I'm going to realize that it's not how Fu... up your are is the one that wins. Unfortunately I seem to be winning. I'm totally helpless in this case as the suicide feeling keep trigerring, and now I understand that trigger means. For me it's always the same thing. I feel so sorry for you guys that are going through the same thing. How the Fuck are you being able to live when you live is torment? It's like the captive who is being beaten and tortured everday in the dark ages in a dungeon, nobody will ever free him, and they are going to beat him until he eventually dies. Everywaking moment is a torment and he hopes that he is dead. I truly wish I was dead, and I can't wait for the other mental distortion that I will introduce to myself. I also know that speaking about this is like picking at a wound that it just makes it worst, but isn't that the fun? Suicide is justified in many cases, as homocide is, eye for an eye, or the death penalty. So in a way we are on death row, waiting for the end. I feel like a person who is paralised, and now I truly belive that the only people are wosrt off then me are people in wheel chairs, blind poeple and the retarded. Life is realy beautifull but not when you can no longer enjoy it.
     
  20. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    yep. i was up in dublin for a course in january. thought i was doing much better, but the first thing i examined when i checked into my room was did the windows open in case i wanted to jump. FYI, they didn't open. that's when i knew i had to get serious about getting better. i realized that most people check out other things in their fancy hotel room!

    catherine
     
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