Does ANYTHING happen for a reason??

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by OceanBlue2, Oct 20, 2009.

  1. OceanBlue2

    OceanBlue2 Member

    I always thought everything in life happened for a reason. There was an underlying message or moral to the story. Everything I've done, everything that was done to me, everything I have CHOSEN to had repurcussions, karma if you will. But I'm not understanding anything lately.

    I have chosen to do things that I shouldn't have done, but I never looked at the future consequences. Nothing I've done was ever to hurt another. I have trusted, have given, have loved, have lost, but there is not one mean bone in my body that would want to hurt another or have control over someone else. I'm more of a follower than any type of leader. I'm thinking I should have been the leader, and maybe my life would have turned out differently. I did without thinking. I felt bad for someone, because 'there but through the grace of god go I". I don't know about my beliefs anymore. I won't discuss that, but people have taken advantage of me to the point where I feel like I'm not a credible human being, worthwhile. You see, before my husband died (one week), I told him I'd never see him again, not knowing why I burst out with that statement. And I never did. I know that i'm just rambling here, but if I had taken matters into my own hands, maybe he would still be here. If I was stronger. But I can't change who I am.

    It's as if I see a long road, but I'm starting to see where it ends. I know it will happen, not tomorrow or next week, but it will, and I have no choice.
  2. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your loss. I can definitely relate. My cousin died in July of 2005. He was only 19 at the time and I was 17. Weeks before, him and I argued. We actually got into a pretty nasty fight. It hurts because he was my best friend. We were just really close and we understood each other. When he first passed away, I thought about our fighting and it bothered me. I thought about the fact that if I would have gone to take a shower that day like I was planning to do instead of wanting to go pick up my shoes, he would still be alive..... As a believer, I take comfort in knowing that he forgives me and looks down on me and knows that I loved him and the good times we shared outnumbered the bad. Even if you do not believe in a higher power, think about all the good times you had with your husband. Finally, I think people who love each other the most get into some of the nastiest fights. You didn't mean the what you said and you probably never imagined in a million years that you really wouldn't see him again......
  3. OceanBlue2

    OceanBlue2 Member

    I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. I know that must have been hard for you and I empathize. I don't know if you do this, but I go back over that ONE day I left the house for a week (this was about 3 years ago) and re-play the memory. I remember crying hysterically, saying I'm never going to see you again, don't you understand this??? I don't know where it came from, it wasn't a thought, it was just coming out. And my dad and husband had to carry me out.

    I really am a believer - I always have been. I guess that if I say anything about it, especially nowadays, there are people that want to confront me, and I'm not about that. I'm not out to change anyone's opinion, I am just trying to seek comfort and solace right now.

    You and your cousin obviously had a special connection, and you know he knows how much you loved him and still do, and there is a huge comfort in that.

    It's the daily occurrences now. Maybe it's a test, because I cannot figure out why there is so much pain and such a feeling of loss that only worsens. I truly try to do what I did before, I go through the motions, but it's as if everything I see is just a memory of what my daughters and I had.
  4. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I am not a strong person myself and I always try to say if I was stronger. For the first two years, the pain would get worse. After a while, I just became so involved in my school work that I had no choice but to block the pain out... I just could not find peace because he was so young and then I started to get older than he was. That really bothered me because he was always my older cousin. My 20th birthday was terrible, knowing that I was now older than him. When I turned 21, it was even worse because I felt guilty knowing he never got to turn of legal age. I would replay the fights in my head and the day he died. I even smacked him a few weeks before he died and people had to remind me of it.. The terrible thing is that my uncle (his father) had died almost two years prior in a car accident so the pain just doubled. Now, the pain still gets really bad around his birthday in November when I think of how old he would have been and around the time of his death in July. Every July, I seriously go crazy and cry uncontrollably at the drop of a hat. All I can say is that I try to live and be happy like he would have wanted me to do. It is hard to celebrate life and be strong... I guess the tricky part for me is finding something to live for.
  5. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    BTW- Times like these especially suck because I need my cousin around. I need his opinion. I need his support when school gets stressful and somebody breaks my heart. He was only a little bit older than me, but he emotionally supported me. For some reason, we were always together and he had a way of making me feel optimistic. I have a dad who is a jerk. My mom is great, but she doesn't understand and I need somebody closer to my own age.... I try to reach out to other family members and friends, but they just do not understand me and they are not as open for dialogue.. As more time passes, I hate that the good memories become a little more distant...
  6. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for the loss you both experienced. Your cousin and your husband are probably watching down on you wishing you both all the happiness in the world. I think the best gift you could give them is to try to enjoy life. I know, easier said than done, but I bet they want the best for you as you both do for them.

    I cant pretend to know what its like to argue with someone soon before they die but I'm sure they knew how much you both loved them and still love them
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I would like to say a few of things regarding your thread, OCEAN.

    First, although I don't think anyone can say to a certainty whether it may be "karma" or "god" or simply "cause and effect"...most actions by necessity will have an uncertain reaction, and many of these I feel will in fact contain a message, moral or learining experience.

    As for the follower/leader question I feel that it is mostly a nurture issue and that leaders should not abuse nor should followers be abused. Regardless of how these personalities play out I do not feel we should change who we are. I am also the follower type in many respects and more passive by nature. It is only my opinion that the leaders are more aggressive by nature, and though my passivity has caused some pain, there are also advantages and I would never try and change that aspect of who I am.

    Regarding what you said to your husband and the following outcome, I would just like to share the following incident. About 5 months ago I told a friend of 35 years that I did not want to have any contact with him any more. Hid severe BPD had spiraled out of control and and his actions were adversely affecting my life. I had always tried to get him to take his meds and talk to him logically and otherwise about his condition to no avail. I did everything I could until there was nothing further I could do. Two plus months later he took his own life and told a girlfriend that called and told me about it, that he specifically mentioined that he had no friends anymore. At first I felt I must have triggered it in some way but upon further reflection realized that he made the choice and I had done all I could to prevent it. You are not responsible for your husbands death, and there may be something you can learn from it, whatever that might be.

    As far as the road you're on, please do not sprint...take it slowly, take time to reflect and give this site time to work for you. There's more than a good chance that it will.

    Feel free to pm me any time. I hope to see you around the forums.