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Does crying help?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ThePhantomLady, Sep 25, 2016.

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  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    My therapist works with me about getting in touch with my emotions; or rather to accept and allow them.
    She's deliberately made me cry during some of the sessions, or dug deeper if I did start to sniffle to I ended up crying...

    (Bit of background; my mother would beat me or be verabally abusive if I cried as a child and teenager and has sometimes held me in front of mirrors and told me how ugly I looked when I did... so most things is handled with a smile... even physical pain. When I broke my leg when I was 4 the kindergarten teachers didn't believe me because I didn't cry or scream).

    To answer my own question; when I was doing better with my therapist I did feel it was helping. The first times she made cry it physically hurt and I worked against it...

    But I feel like I've taken a major setback lately. And 2 weeks ago I purposely shut down my emotions as I was visiting my mother and knew it would be a tough time. (the time before that I had a PTSD related panic attack after walking past my old school that's next to her house where I was bullied and sexually abused for years and that resulted in some messed up and awkward self-harm)... so yeah, to avoid that again I shut my emotions down completely. Good thing I was, my mum brought some awful stuff up about a man who molested me when I was little; reminding me once again she's taking their side... but enough about that.

    I'm still numb. I'm barely sleeping at night... and the only emotion I really feel is anxiety. I don't feel joy... I don't get excited about things and I feel awfully guilty because of it... I have to consciously tell my boyfriend how happy I am that he's sending me a present etc. I'm just so scared of opening up again...

    I was at a funeral yesterday... and I did shed a few tears but I spent the entire time trying to think of something else and keep it at bay. In truth I started to feel like I wasn't really there... I haven't even started to grieve for her really. (My therapist did suggest that I have already done that a while ago since she suffered from terrible dementia/Alzheimer the last years)

    I don't know what to do really... during my last session with my therapist I couldn't get to my emotions either... but I did tell her about the 'shutting down' thing.

    I am considering putting on one of the saddest films I own and see if that will make me cry; hoping it will open up something... but I'm scared of two things. I'm scared it won't work and I'll just get restless and start doing all sorts of other things... and I'm scared it's going to work too well and I'll lose control of myself again. I've got some very painful stuff tucked away under my skin that's been building up and brewing.

    So... To cry or not to cry; that is the question.
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I cry nearly every day and yes, it's very therapeutic. It's a stress and anxiety relief for me. I cry when I'm sad, angry and even happy...yeesh!
    When I have too much anxiety, I can either pretend it's not there (denial), try to keep busy and not deal with it properly (ignore) or cry my eyes out and release it. It works.
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  3. Yvette Snow

    Yvette Snow Member

    Crying does help people. It lets you get it all out. Starting from the sniffling and watery eyes all the way to the sobbing and river of tears.

    I attended a place called Old Vineyard a minute back and one of their techniques to; I guess you could say opening the bottle in which you keep your emotions or as my psychs have put it; and they told me that it's easier to get everything in motion and have better control over it if you start out slowly. They told me you think of a few things that make you sad enough to wanna tear up; per say a dead puppy or I don't know something sad; and then slowly work your way up in the thought train until you can manage the tears to come out. For as little or as long as you want then give yourself a break and try again the next day.

    Persistency is key.
    Or so they told me. I don't know if it'll work with others.. But it worked for me for a minute.

    I'm sorry you've gone through so much but every day is a new blessing.❤
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Thank you! I might give it a go

    The problem is though, in the past I used selfharm as a way to avoid crying... ever since I was a little girl. I realized pain took away my urge to cry, and thus I'd avoid my mother's violence... and I'm scared to fall back into that trap.

    Maybe I'll try it tomorrow when my boyfriend is available... I guess that's safer.
  5. spacecowboy

    spacecowboy Well-Known Member

    It generally does for me. But my sinuses plug solid for about 2 days. It usually cleans the emotional file out.
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  6. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Yes. I think it does sometimes to let things out with tears.
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  7. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    Crying is something I have done more than laughter in the past several years of my life. I literally cannot seem to go more than a couple days without shedding at least a tear, because my life can be so upsetting and frustrating. I have PTSD, panic attacks and social anxiety and it's made my life an ongoing battle to keep fighting for. I know deep down I am a fragile and still mending. I have a long way to go, but time is the ultimate healer, so I have to give myself more time, and attention onto the present important and real things going on. I break down often enough, but lately have been getting better at fighting back these urges to break. I am learning to just comfort myself. No one knows all of my story, it is a cross I bear alone, but it's a heavy one so I need to kind of drop it or it will make me fall and not get back up.
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  8. spacecowboy

    spacecowboy Well-Known Member

    Laughter files. Go to Youtube and lookup George Carlin, Billy Connolly, Robin Williams. The video I've been looking for (for a number of years) was done during the last year of the Johnny Carson Show. His guests that night were Bob Hope and Robin Williams. Poor Bob. I thought that he was going to pass out from laughing so hard. Robin had him in stitches. Bette Midler and Whoopi Goldberg have some good standup on there too.
  9. moxman

    moxman The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat

    Crying helps me. Some nights, I don't know how to handle it all. I just cry in the dark. No one in my real life, would ever understand what I go through. I feel like I am surrounded by children.
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  10. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

    I feel better after crying.
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  11. armygirl

    armygirl Member

    I can sympathize with not crying..I tend to hold my emotions in..very rarely do I cry..I am more of the have a anxiety attack and come up with plan B, C, D, E, F, etc. type of person..I am rarely happy enough to smile..I even avoid looking at myself in the mirror...on the rare occasions I do cry, I am like Moxman and cry in the dark, by myself..in the end it helps me sleep, but it doesn't make me feel better..

    I wish I had some better words, or some advice, but I understand!!
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  12. armygirl

    armygirl Member

    I forgot to mention, like spacecowboy it clogs my sinuses up too, and in the end I end up gasping for air, and nearly hyperventilating...
  13. Z.Hudson

    Z.Hudson Well-Known Member

    I can't cry. I haven't cried since I was 12-13yrs old. Wish I could do that instead of punching walls.
  14. armygirl

    armygirl Member

    I can understand that. As a kid you "got it worse" if I cried. My time in the Army taught me that it was weak. And now, there are times I wish I could have a good cry instead of being self-destructive..
  15. PrettygyalJ

    PrettygyalJ H.O.P.E...hold on, pain ends.

    It's better to cry and let it all out, when I tried to be tough and hold it all in, I began to get sick and more stressed out. If you have to go somewhere quiet and cry then go do it, you're a human being not a robot let it out! Lol ;)
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