Does he even know me

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by kpd, Sep 23, 2006.

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  1. kpd

    kpd New Member

    I joined this community, because I need someone to talk to. I dont know what to do about my boyfriend. I am a stay-at-home-mom. I recently turned 21 and my son is 6 months old.

    My boyfriend has to have some control of everything I do. I have to get permission to go anywhere. I always have to tell who I am going to see, who's going to be there, where I am going, when I am going to be back. If I dont have a good reason to go somewhere then he wont let me go. He makes me feel like an Idiot. I have to beg and cry sometimes, just to go to the grocery store.

    He tells me to look for a job, but when I fill out an application, he says dont work there, you dont need to be working. Then somedays he comes home and says I dont do anything and that I am lazy. He wont help me take care of the baby. He expects me to have the house clean all the time, make him food when he is hungry. I also have to do everything he asks, or he makes me feel bad. He likes to talk bad about my family. He only uses $20 to get grocies to last for 2 weeks. We eat noodles all the time, while he goes out and buys video games and movies.

    He cusses and calls me different bad names. He makes demeaning comments to me. I tell him its not right. But he says that he will say whatever he wants to me. He tries to convince me that I am weak, stupid, and that there is something wrong with me.

    I am posting this because I want to make things work between us, because he is not alwys like this. I dont know what to do. I want some help, because I feel so defenseless when we argue. Most of the time he disgards my argument because I dont know how to express my feeling so that he can understand. He has a way of manipulating everything I say to work against me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 23, 2006
  2. Sarah

    Sarah SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the site kpd

    wow,you are going through allot right now.im glad you found someplace you could get some support.i think ther are some people here who definately relate to youre situation. it probably seems very overwhelming to you. i know how it can feel to have someone treat you like that.like they are controlling to the point of being abusive but then its confuisng because they also do things that say they love you.i dont know but i think his periods of normalcy may be another form of control to keep you with him.it just seems to me that this is only the beginning of an abusive relationship and if you stay with him it will get worse.i know thats hard to be thinking about right because you care for him and want to belive it will work but i think you should do everything you can to protect yourself and stay away from him.i have gone through that kind of relationship before altho not with a spouse and i know how hurtful it can be.if you even want to talk you can always pm me. :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 23, 2006
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    kpd,
    I know you mentioned that you want to make your relationship work with your boyfriend and that he is not always controlling. You may not want to hear what I have to say, but please read through it anyway. I went through the same thing when I was younger. I loved my bf despite the fact that he was sometimes controlling. I thought that I could handle it and that things would get better. Afterall, he wasn't that way all the time. It began the same way as with you. We were married. Soon I was no longer allowed to have friends, drive, go anywhere or do anything without him. I became a virtual prisoner of my home. Things never got better hun. They got worse and worse. I will not go into the details, too many painful memories. I stayed with him for 22 years. Always thinking things would get better. I do not want to see you or any woman go through the things I did. Please take care of yourself. End this relationship now, before you are unable to. I am only speaking from experience and of course the final decision lies in your hands. Think of your child as well. Will he be as controlling over son? If you would like to talk more about it hun, PM me. I will share what I can with you. Please take care. :hug: Sorry if this is not what you want to hear.
     
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dear kpd;

    I agree completely with Gentlelady as I went thru much the same thing, only not as long a time. Only six years but I was brainwashed by this guy to believe that I wasn't worth much to anyone but him. He also limited my contact with family and friends. After a while I wasn't seeing anyone but him and HIS friends. He hit me and fought with me and threatened me and put me down and made me feel stupid and worthless. I finally woke up to the fact that he was NOT going to change - I had to change. I threw him out (with police backup) and will never again let anyone do me that way. I didn't deserve that kind of treatment and will never allow it to happen again.

    You don't deserve that kind of treatment either, nor does your baby need to grow up in that kind of environment. I agree with Gentlelady: get out now before you are too exhausted to do it. He's not worth your life, your soul, your strength. Please get out now - I know what I'm saying from sorry experience. You deserve better and so does your baby.

    love and strength and hope,:smile: :smile: :smile:

    least
     
  5. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Also a welcome from me. I can't say that I can relate... but like everyone else has said... it's probably going to get worse as it goes on. The normalcy bit... it sounds like what my Dad did to Mum... he would be normal for a while, and really nice... to get on her good side, and to get her in a good mood, and then use her for whatever it was he needed. Then it would be back to how it was before, demeaning comments, ignoring her and me.

    It isnt worth it... you need to look after yourself and your son too. Its probably going to get worse as time goes on. Take care of yourself. :hug:

    TDM
     
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