Hi there,
Is there any way you could forgive our son? We all do dumb crap in our teens, a lot of us did not know any better. He's only 19, just entering the adult world, I personally think you should give him another chance.
I am really sorry you are feeling so down, do you think going to a therapist could help you manage your feelings more in a safe and healthy environment, keep holding on, it is likely better days are yet to come, be kind to yourself