Quick question for everyone. I was diagnosed a few years ago with bipolarism. i have been "depressed" and suicidal ever since the age of 8 and i am now 26. Not a day goes by that suicide is not in the back of my mind. Even during my greatest moment of joy death was only around the corner and i welcomed it. Will this ever changed. Every other aspect of my life is now in order i have worked so hard to make everything better it's not even funny. With my docotor we have dropped my medication (Lithium) because it didn't seem to have any effect actually of all the drugs i've tried not a single one had any effect at all on me. The doctors cant think of anything anymore. Instead we are using the mental reprogrammation tactic. where we are changing the way my reflexes work and for the last 2 years it's been working great. but why cant i get rid of my will to die. I dont want to live even in my moments of purest happiness. I just want to die and that has never changed and i cant even see a reason anymore other than the simple fact that i want to die just as much as everyone else seem to want to live. Will this ever go away or am i stuck with this until my actual death. I'm doing all this work to get rid of this but if it wont go away what's the point? anyone?