i am so tired of crying thats all i do... i keep thinking that i am getting stronger and stronger each year and then the days come and i break down and ball. Today would have been 14 years that we would have been married. Does the guilt ever go away? People say that its not your fault, and i truly try to understand that, but deep down i cant. I do believe that it is since i moved on without him. If only i had not divorced him he would not have killed himself. Now doesnt that just sound like i am a Queen??? I'm not saying that i am, i am just saying that i was the one that took care of him (unlike his bio family) and not using him or abusing him like they did. I continue to feel that he had hopes that perhaps we could work things out but i didnt give him that chance, or another chance or enough chances. Hell i have no clue... other than i know that i still hurt like it was that Christmas night when i found out, and it takes me back to the days when i myself want to end my life. Why should i live? why do i deserve to?