Does it ever go away?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by ThinkingCap, Nov 30, 2011.

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  1. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    Not to be disheartening or anything, but I was wondering if the urges to SH-- once you give into them -- ever go away? I've only been dealing with this for three years, so I was wondering from people who've working with this for longer have found out. Does the urge just fade away? Or do you just have to learn how to deal with it differently to permanently stop SHing?


  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think with therapy with some healing from inside the urge does eventually fade away hun just my thought though
  3. Kristie

    Kristie Active Member

    Honestly I find that it comes and goes...I keep hanging on and the light is good when you climb out of the's just that damn black that keeps coming back...darker and darker.
  4. Stripe

    Stripe Well-Known Member

    Until about two years ago I had not cut for perhaps 5 or 6 years.

    Yes, sometimes it does go away. And I found that after the long break that the cutting didnt come back as badly and I didnt do it as much as I did when I first started.

    It is beatable. I just dont really know how to beat it. Change in situation? Change in attitude? Dunno. I just know that sometimes it stops.

    I hope you find a way.
  5. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    It won't go away for me. So even though I say to others I don't do it anymore, I really cut deeper and longer than I used to and hid it. I just can't stop...
  6. Waine

    Waine Member

    I started to SH in 1997 after the loss of my mum, i done this for 4 years, it was the darkest time of my life. Then i got into a new relationship, finally someone who wanted me for me and we had a little boy. From the day he was born i totally forgot about hurting myself because now someone else depended on me.

    Im not saying go and have a baby but do something that takes your mind off it, get a pet, new hobby etc. I didnt spend a single second in therapy, i achieved this all by myself and it makes me mega proud.

    You will "grow out" of SH at some point if you keep your mind on other stuff, even posting on websites could be good. Talking to someone can help alot but only you can make it stop.
  7. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    What I've found is that it will go away for stretches of time, but I'm not sure if it'll ever go away for good.
    I started six or seven years ago, stopped for the most part two years ago, but I still get that itch now and then.

    So, for me at least, no, I don't think it ever goes away entirely. But you can get to the point where the urge is brief, weak, and far-spaced enough that for all intents and purposes, it is gone.
  8. punkophonized

    punkophonized New Member

    Self-harming is a coping skill. A dysfunctional one, obviously :). You can get rid of it if you learn new methods of coping. The problem is it will always be there, in your brain, wired. You can't just unlearn it. It will always be the first method of relief. And you know you can count on it, that's easy, that's guaranteed. The alternative methods of coping, the functional ones, are harder, you have to work for them, you don't know/feel yet the positive effects. It takes patience. And willpower. So, if everything is well with the world, then you have the time to focus on new coping strategies and diminish the urges. If not, it's harder. Possible, but harder.
  9. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your responses, I'm sorry for waiting this long before replying. This helps quite a bit, even though there's both positive and negative outlooks on whether the urges will ever really go away. Lone_Wolf, I'm sorry you feel that way. I hate it when things get to feel that hopeless, and on the one hand it's nice to see that I'm not crazy and someone else feels it to, but on the other hand I would give anything for you not to have to feel this way in the first place. Try listening to the other people that have posted and maybe gain some hope from that that things will get better for you. I know that's extremely difficult to see some times, but keep trying and one day things will look different. It's really, really difficult, and hard to see, but the right combination of maybe your mood, medication, therapy, environment, etc. paints things in a different light, and suddenly things don't seem so impossible or hopeless anymore. Try being honest, even though it hurts, and maybe that'll slow or stop the progression of the severity of your cuts. Anything is worth a shot if it can help keep you safer and scar-free.

    Total Eclipse & Broken Wings, right now I agree and understand both of you. Even if it doesn't go away entirely, a part of me right now believes that it will lessen in intensity as long as I keep from giving it attention. Stripe, I agree with you as well. I don't think there is a 'cure', just different ways of replacing it with a different coping mechanism. And Punkophonized, thank you, you are spot on. Logically I can put together what you wrote no matter how I'm feeling, but seeing it from another person helps lend it strength when I'm not thinking so clearly. There are other ways, and I don't have to resort to cutting all the time.

    Kristie, I've always seen it as when you give in and sh, you generally go a little farther, get more accustomed to where you are right then, or get frustrated that you're sh'ing again. More often than not, I at least tend to ramp things up to keep it feeling the same as it did when I first started. Keep this up, and eventually you can see your own fat cells and start thinking about even worse things to do to yourself. I'm sorry, what I'm trying to say is that it might be coming back darker because you're pushing your limits. Try to slow that, and maybe it won't get so bad so quickly. Waine, that's fantastic! Good job, I'm happy you found something that worked :) I'll try to take your advice, but I'm afraid of what happens when I get wrapped up in depression again and can't sustain that hobby or feel that there is anything new worth experiencing. But I'll certainly try.

    Thanks again! I'm not in the same place I was when I started this thread, but I will certainly return if I ever get there again and will appreciate your responses more and more each time I return for support. Best of luck to you all.

  10. Helpneed

    Helpneed Member

    I cut and it's hard to hide it I've cut for 2-3 months and I can't hide it it's just too hard. But my urge is always there that's why I come here to talk about it. And somedays ppl help and other days it won't help at all, today for instance it's not helpin I'm hurt, I cut tonight, no1 knows about anything tho I gotta work on telling ppl! :/
  11. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    For me, this is an issue I face.

    I first self-harmed around 4 years ago. I did this for a period of a few weeks, then stopped for 3 years. I put it down to me being immature, but then, at 19 I did it again. This time it was an attempt to slash my wrists, but I couldn't force myself to go deep enough. But still, after 3 years of nothing.. it was a bummer to have new scars. Then, I went almost a year without doing it.. until the end of last year, when I did it again, just before my suicide attempt.

    Been 5 months since I last did it. Aside from when I'd do it quite frequently at age 16, since then I've only really done it when I was at the end of the line.. one was a suicide attempt. The other was down to a huge amount of stress, and I ended up OD'ing the next day.

    I don't have an urge to self harm any more... I only seem to do it now in extreme cases. But I do wonder if these scars will be my last self-inflicted ones..
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