Does it ever haunt you to look back at old posts, notes, threads?

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by deferred dream, Dec 23, 2010.

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  1. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    Like, if you are in a better place and you look back at your old posts and threads here, so full of hurt and pain, or old notes you've written, does it haunt you? Do you look at it and say Who is that person? Who am I now? Why did I feel like that?

    And are you afraid of that feeling coming back? I know I am.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I try not to look at old post because when i do it does trigger the sadness and the pain that was released then although i see i have more a clear understanding of what is going on i still struggle with waht was and what is to be.
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I recently thought about some of my old posts... I wish they'd autodelete like they did in my dream.
  4. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    I PMed a mod to ask if my old ones can be deleted. I really can't risk having to ever see those again lest they trigger me in some way. I also had to get rid of a lot of poems and crap I wrote while depressed, they're too intense. Maybe it would be wise to hide them away for a later date but I don't even want to do that. I just want to put those feelings to a place I don't need to ever risk revisiting them, need a fresh start, ya know?
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Have wept buckets looking at old posts, perhaps its better to leave the past in the past :huh:
  6. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I think it's often good to look back at old posts and see your own progress. The internet is inadvertantly a wonderful resource for marking your own road out of suicidal feelings.
  7. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    Looking back I can see most the stones I stepped on to get here - it doesn't much faze me to see my old stuff.
  8. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    looking back at old posts on forums, or old diary entries is not my thing, but i still do it, even though i dislike what i've written.
  9. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Interesting thread! I totally agree with this - I like looking back on old memories and seeing where I am now. Sometimes it was better than, but more often than not, it's better now. If it's not better now, how can I change it etc.? It gets the mind thinking and - generally - I like that.
  10. Underground

    Underground Well-Known Member

    Well I haven't been on this forum long enough to see it that way, but if I'm honest, I'm not easily triggered anyway. I used to be triggered easily by things like experiences and such, but not anymore. While it can send a small shock down my spine or something, it doesn't completely freak me out.

    Anyway, I haven't been actively suicidal since August, but I have no issue looking at my Blog, MSN chatlogs, or anything else I wrote before I attempted. In fact I treasure the past, good and bad. Good, because it makes me smile, and bad because it can make me realise how much better I feel today (not that I never have bad days or the journey is over yet).

    Sometimes thinking of the past can make me cry, but it's usually people and things I miss. Like, I very much miss a friend I used to have. I've never truly moved on from him. Songs like Who Knew by P!nk trigger memories of him, etc.
  11. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I don't really look back on any of my old posts. I would say I don't have the time but that would be complete bullshit.

    I'm kinda scared that if I read those old posts, I'll suddenly go back to what I was then. Even though I've probly gotten worse in some ways and better in others.

    Some things I'm sorting out, and other things are left unattended. My biggest problem these days is that I don't have any motivation. So it can be hard to even want to live when you have people trying to get you to make all these decisions on your life. It's overwhelming and it puts me off.

    It's like an anchor on a ship. One half of you is trying to sail off into whatever is ahead, yet you have this lump of iron weighing you down. How the fuck am I ment to cut my anchor loose? :sigh:
  12. houseofcards

    houseofcards Well-Known Member

    Looking back at my first few posts really hits me because I was more innocent than I am now. The thing that hurts me is that I never knew i'd end up like how I am now 2-3 years ago. Back then it was just depression/OCD. Now it's Major Depression that pretty much went away, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder, OCD that's controlled to the point where I don't even mention having it, Psychosis that turned into Schizophrenia, Insomnia caused by schizophrenia, and a few BPD-like symptoms, but not BPD since i'm not 18 yet and they don't want to talk about it until i'm an adult. I don't want my past posts deleted though, because it's kind of like my own personal diary of everything I've felt for the past couple of years. I'm continuing to keep a diary of things now just for that reason. Maybe eventually I can look back and be like "Whoa, I went through hell and I'm still alive" or something. I don't know.
  13. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I not haunted by them.
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