I tried to put distance between my origin issues (not sure who's my father), to take care of me, but even therapy brings it back. Jacky is my legal father, on the paper only. I haven't seen him in 20 years (more). Chris is the one my mother told me to be my real dad, in 1991, about a year before she died. She knew she was very sick (cancer), and I think that's why she told me. I was 10 then. She died, and I started to see Chris around, 92, 93, 98, 06 are the years I'm absolutely sure it was him. Friends recognized him. They ended up tellling me the truth, after I saw him in a mag. Coincidence the TV series he made by 93 is the only one I watched then. It's only in 06, about a month after the last time I saw him on my street, the street I live in nowadays. If i had realized the whole possibility, I'd've walked to him, talked to him. I hate myself from that. Why didn't he Walk to me? If he knew? I tried to contact him, mail and phone, where he works, I don't dare to call his home, I don't want to harrass, and he's married. He has never answered one of my messages. I don't understand the paradox, Make 9000 km to just see me? Not answer me? Does he hate me now? I don't talk about my feelings about that to anyone. Only practicle details, logic, to some people in my close circle. I do hurt of that situation. Why did he come then?