Does it mean he hates me?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Scully, Oct 15, 2009.

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  1. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I tried to put distance between my origin issues (not sure who's my father), to take care of me, but even therapy brings it back.

    Jacky is my legal father, on the paper only. I haven't seen him in 20 years (more). Chris is the one my mother told me to be my real dad, in 1991, about a year before she died. She knew she was very sick (cancer), and I think that's why she told me. I was 10 then. She died, and I started to see Chris around, 92, 93, 98, 06 are the years I'm absolutely sure it was him. Friends recognized him. They ended up tellling me the truth, after I saw him in a mag. Coincidence the TV series he made by 93 is the only one I watched then. It's only in 06, about a month after the last time I saw him on my street, the street I live in nowadays. If i had realized the whole possibility, I'd've walked to him, talked to him. I hate myself from that. Why didn't he Walk to me? If he knew?
    I tried to contact him, mail and phone, where he works, I don't dare to call his home, I don't want to harrass, and he's married. He has never answered one of my messages. I don't understand the paradox, Make 9000 km to just see me? Not answer me? Does he hate me now?

    I don't talk about my feelings about that to anyone. Only practicle details, logic, to some people in my close circle. I do hurt of that situation. Why did he come then?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are taking therapy I don't think he hates you just not sure what he is doing that all. Ask you therapist what steps can be taken to see if this person is truly y our father get it clear once and for all.
     
  3. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    My therapist encourages me to forget about it (?)

    Only DNA could tell. But I'm French and he American. That complicates things. I just want him and tell me honestly why he's been around. I'm so sick of having a third guy online.

    One thing I'm furious against: if your bio father might be the guy next door, go for it! If he's "famous", you're seen as a stalker if you wanna know the truth. It's a little like that Polanski story now.

    Thanks Violet for answering.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you told him youwould thing he would want to get dna just to get proof he is or isn't i would
     
  5. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I guess... Not everybody is like you. Good.
     
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    You may want to contact an adoption agency to ask them general questions about contacting a birth parent and what the procedures are. As much as your therapist says to forget it, I know I wouldn't be able to.

    :hug:
     
  7. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I'm unable to. It seems everything reminds me of him. The more I shut off, the more it's haunting.

    Your idea is interesting. Maybe they could be more objective.
     
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