Yes, Life has me sitting back doing a lot of thinking. NO, I am not in a suicidal frame of mind nor do I want to harm myself. However there are so many things that I question that probably have no answers. In reality I guess there are no answers for the questions that I have. Do the things we do to improve our lives really make a difference in the long run? People go to college after high school in hopes to find a career that they love. Yet many times hear they are over qualified or they do not have the on the job experience. What the point of furthering your education when in reality all you are left with are student loans and nothing to do with the degree you just earned. You fight your whole life to make it better for you as an adult yet those who are supposed to love you constantly try to tear you down. You once cared about yourself and the direction you were taking in your life was an accomplishment in itself. But in the grand scheme of life is any of it important? So what if I am in my forties and in college, so what if I choose to live my life the way I want it to and not to follow in others footprints doing the same shit they do. Do I consider myself a better person then they are? Your damn right I do. I once took pride in my classes, now because of several issues they don't seem important anymore. My whole life has become uncertain. Do I even finish school if in today's society means nothing? I'm not a dumb person, I had goals, I finished high and went on to better myself. Not one fucker in my family can say that they even finished high school. I am no better than anyone else just because of what I have accomplished nor will I ever think I am better then the next person. I don't understand how one person can be a black sheep when they wanted to better themselves, to walk away from the hurt, drugs and alcohol. Why am I so different from even some of those that I work with? Even though I have not worked in awhile, I will be returning to work hopefully after my appointment tomorrow. But how can a person be out right mean to another just because they are a little slower then the person making fun? Do humans have no compassion anymore or is it that this world is truly out to destroy those it sees as weaker? How can a person be outright mean and then laugh about it when they are telling others what they did? I guess I do not understand this because I have never and could never be outright mean to another because they are a little different. We live in a cruel world and I guess I want to fix everything. I feel like a failure because I can't. I also know that me fixing the world in unrealistic because it takes everyone to make a change. So what, once again is the point when in the grande scheme of life living in a world full of so much hurt and belittling? I'm done venting because in the long run would it even matter what my thoughts and feelings are?