Hi all, i'm new here. Was just wondering if for many of you a very troubled love life has pushed you towards extreme suicidal thoughts. Personally, I feel incredibly bad blaming such a thing on the person I love the most, but whether right or wrong, I know in my heart of hearts that he has made the last four years of my life dreadful. I feel so guilty thinking that because I look around and other people get messed about and have their hearts broken and yet most of them seem to pull through it and knuckle down in time. I feel utterly pathetic having an emotional state that is completely dependant on another, but I don't know how to live happily without him and I just can't get out of bed or see friends, I quit my job a year ago, I just don't know how to go through it anymore, constant panic attacks, family threatening to have me committed etc. The only thing which keeps me going is thinking he will agree for us to get back together (as has happened every other time, and i'm talking after five, six months on one occassion). That, and also making plans to leave the country to get away from his memory which has tainted everything, but then saying no to the idea because it means he won't be in the picture. It sounds so pathetic but constant suicidal thoughts are the only things keeping me going at the moment. So basically does anyone else/the majority of you feel driven to this by lack of love or merely the complication of it? Would love to know peoples thoughts as I feel so utterly alone and cannot talk to anyone about this, my on/off boyfriend is really the only person I talk to anymore.