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Does school depress you?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dylan, Jan 7, 2008.

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  1. Dylan

    Dylan Guest

    This place is what makes me depressed the most.

    All my bad memories and experiences were from school. The reason why i am afraid of ppl, why i have problems communicating, is because i was never accepted at school. On a mall i would spend 15 minutes...15 MINUTES...building up the courage to order food from a fastfood, It's because i have to talk to someone. Thats how bad i am.

    I'm 18 right now and am on second year college. I've toughed out the miseries of having to stare down the floor the whole 8 hours i have to be in a classroom day after day. I've almost made it to the finish line! i feel like crying and kissing every1 i see everytime i think of graduation...of not having to go to the communism that is the classroom every day of my f*cking life.
    School to me is a prison you know, you cant really shout at someone even if they f*cking annoy you coz u have no friends. If you become enemies they will make ur life a living hell. you have no choice but to see them day after day after day, like in a prison cell.

    It's 3 am right now as i write this. I have school in a couple o hours. I mostly stay awake at night coz i wanna make every second of being at home last. It's where i feel safe, secure, and protected. I have my fingers-crossed right now hoping i would go back in one piece. If i do i'll start another thread. this site is kinda cool.

    thanx 4 listening.
  2. Daze&Confused

    Daze&Confused Antiquitie's Friend

    School for me was a living nightmare that shape the weak pathetic man i became.It's been more than 20 years since school,and yet it still plays on my mind.
  3. kitai16

    kitai16 Well-Known Member

    I hated school. I didn't have very many friends at all it seemed.
  4. Thats a horrible story Dylan, and I sympathize with you.

    Most people will probably advise you to tough it out and focus on getting a good career or whatever.

    Personally, I found my constant anxiety and mental problems weren't worth the degree. I dropped out, the jury is still out on on the decision. Online classes are still possible.

    You have to decide if the benefits of a career, job, car, etc. are worth four of more years of this torment. Remember that it is not guaranteed this degree will get you any of those things. Most jobs these days require social competence moreso than task competence. You will probably be dismissed in favour of the boss' son or the slick, less qualified candidates. I know it sucks.

    I understand the anxiety, it is extremely exhausting and unfair. I personally envy my carefree and relaxed peers, especially their ability to make timely and confident jokes and comments, which is beyond my social grasp. If you do manage to cure your anxiety, you will probably be extremely bitter about the past injustice and socially underdeveloped.

    It is a long and difficult process, and I wish you luck.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 7, 2008
  5. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    School is crap. Its like hell :(

    Thank god this is my final year...
  6. ItsAHardRain

    ItsAHardRain Member

    Hey Dylan, have you heard of selective-mutism disorder? It's an anxiety disorder, that I didn't realize even existed til just a couple years ago. I went through all my growing up with this, the inability to talk to people in public, only comfortable at home and with select friends as long as we were away from school and authorities. I hated school too, it felt like a prison to me as well.

    Learning that I had this disorder was a relief because i found out that all these little things about myself that I tried to fix over the years were stemming from this one disorder.

    All the beliefs I learned about myself were from this disorder- I hated myself, people didn't accept me, people kind of stayed away from me - but I realize NOW that it wasn't because I was bad. It was because I was scared and I was quiet and I never gave anyone the chance to even know me, let alone like me! If you're anything like me, the energy you put off, keeps people away. You want people to like you, yet you want them to keep away as well. Do you relate to this?

    I'm in my 20s now and I'm still working on relationships with people. But I've come so far. How? By doing what you're doing - just keep trying. Even though I get nervous, I do the things I need to do. Eventually you'll learn better coping mechanisms, you'll have better control of your anxiety within your body.... the KEY, the big 'ol KEY in this is accepting who you are in the face of other people. Accepting making mistakes. Just being what you are. And really not giving a damn what others think. :) It takes time and practice.
  7. Dylan

    Dylan Guest

    Wow we are exactly alike. i didnt know my condition had a scientific name to it, it makes me feel a bit better now coz if they classify it...it means im not alone with this. that's a little bit of a relief :)

    I think ur tough coz u got through it, i wish i can have ur level of confidence one day. it would make things easier for me im sure.
  8. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I know this is easier said, but remember - school doesn't last forever...
  9. happypeople

    happypeople Active Member

    Ive had my share of shit in school. which is why i dropped out when i was 16, i was sick of the system, sick of the people.
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I've never thought of school like a prison before, but I can see the similarities. I had a good high school experience, but I found university difficult. I toughed it out though and now I'm a high school level teacher. I'm going to try to ensure that my students don't feel trapped in the classroom, like you guys did.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    school is what made me hate life so much......teachers called me stupid,ugly etc. god i can see how those school massacres happen...
  12. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I always hated school.

    But I enjoy reading about school shootings. Especially jocks and rednecks getting killed. They're overrated pieces of shit to me.
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Guys, school shootings are tragic events and a teacher's worst nightmare. They are the end result when people don't seek help and instead take out their frustrations by shooting everyone else. Nothing good comes from school shootings.
  14. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    I didn't like school at all really. I don't really have good 'memories' there, and I was pretty unmotivated to any work. I actually just went to Homeschool from there.
  15. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Well, I didn't have a good time when I was still in school, and now that I am 24, I can only imagine being a happy schoolboy as I look at others. But still, school was depressing to me cause I was an antisocial and a weirdo and hardly had any friends.

    Now, school reminds me of how miserable I used to be and I still am. Most of the time, I can't help but envy school boys and girls cause I wish I can turn back time to change things too but hey, its always too late. Anyway I look at it, school will always depress me.
  16. timmytiger

    timmytiger New Member

    i dont think school depressed me i was a bully at school i used to use fear against people and hurt them, it felt good i was sort of an outcast at school because i was soo eccentric and violent

    i fantasise about cutting my throat or od'ing or jumping off a high building

    i was in a 3 year self induced depression 6 months ago i joined the army now i finally have a 5 week break from training and im at my parents house, im 18 years old and my girlfriend is underage i feel numb i want to kill myself i dont enjoy life i cant change my life im locked into the army im contracted i cant leave and its a decent job anyway, but the problem is with me

    something isnt right im constantly daydreaming im shy im ... messed up

    but nobody really knows it, sure some people think i have low self esteem but nobody knows what im thinking i have intense thoughts about killing people and killing myself

    maybe im asking you for help maybe i just want attention

    either way talk to me please, thank you
  17. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    :hug: I hated school too. I ended up not attending half the time, and being late all the time and getting harassed/hounded/threatened to be kicked out just because I needed to sleep, nevermind that they my work was a useless A, it just mattered I handed in at an exact moment, put into 'detention' like that's going to stop me, and vandalising walls, self harming under tables, crying, falling asleep, starving myself...feeling life had been sucked out of me. I used to hide out in the art studio and forget every other lesson because that's the only place where I felt okay.

    It is prison. I used to count days till it'll be all over..count the days till the next holiday, weekend..

    It will be over. There will be a time when all this will be over. I've been traumatised by my school experiences.
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2008
  18. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Wow, I had no idea how many people felt this way about school.
  19. Markus

    Markus New Member

    just 600 days more...
  20. ItsAHardRain

    ItsAHardRain Member

    Well I don't feel my confidence is that great, but it's certainly better than what it used to be. I used to "lose myself" in any conversation I had with someone I wasn't ultimately comfortable being with. I would just blank out, be unable to speak. People badgering me why I was so quiet. It was interesting to read other peoples' stories with selective mutism because there was all kinds of unusual commonalities. Like not being able to look at myself in the mirror while someone else was watching. Or trying so hard, thinking you're doing better than usual, then someone calls you quiet and you feel like you can't talk to that person anymore.

    Like I said, I spent my whole life not knowing I had a condition that's had a name since the 1800s. I believe my poor self image came from the condition, as well as the suicidal tendencies. Because I think the urge for suicide really comes from a big disconnection from people. And with selective mutism, it would only be natural for us to feel a disconnection, a rejection, an isolation.

    It was nice to find out there was a name for this condition. It was my "eureka!" moment. I was able to fit nearly ALL of my problems under one name, and I didn't feel so messed up in a myriad of ways. Just one, haha. Knowing this won't fix you, but it helps in dealing with it, I think. Now you know you have just had this strange anxiety disorder, and if it'd been early diagnosed and dealt with properly, you would've managed life easier and not beat yourself up so much. BUT now you know. Now you can stop beating yourself up. Hopefully!

    What's nice is there's actually drugless therapies recommended for this. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one. You might be able to find a book or two at the library if you can't see a therapist. One book I've read is called "feeling good :the new mood therapy" by David Burns. I believe there's a workbook that you can get as well. I haven't seen any good books out yet for selective-mutism, specifically. They haven't studied it well enough yet, but they do know that it becomes manageable with early detection and treatment (like, when you're a kid). I wrote to the people of one site and said that I was angry that they're calling it a childhood anxiety disorder, because it doesn't just exist in childhood! There are lots of people out there who are in their 20s, or even older, without a job or health insurance, living between deep phobias and depression, without a way out because no one ever helped them. It IS a disorder that appears in childhood, but it doesn't just disappear when you become an adult. But if you do it right, with your own work, I think you can overcome it for the most part.

    Thanks for the kind words though, I'm sure things will only get better for you now that you know. With a little bit of info you'll learn to manage it better. There's so many resources out there nowadays for anxiety and disorders, you're bound to find something that helps. Make sure you eat things that make your body feel strong and capable, like protein, vegetables (esp leafy greens), whole grains, etc. One thing I noticed was that I had immense anxiety when I consumed milk. My daily breakfast of cereal and milk when I was growing up was probably the worst thing for me but who would've known or believed in it? I drink things like a strong oatstraw infusion that helps build my nervous system, and relieves stress, and contributes lots of minerals. I used to take Rescue Remedy to relieve panic attacks. St John's Wort extract for managing depression and it also provides a little energy. Still haven't found the supremo remedy for relieving anxiety, but I'll let you know if I ever do. There are lots of herbs for anxiety, you could see if any work - kava kava, skullcap, passionflower, lemon balm. Make sure your diet is providing enough calcium, magnesium, B vitamins, iron. I also feel much better on spring water.

    If you support your body in every way that you can, it'll be a little stronger for you. Just try to change the way you think about yourself, you're going to have to re-write all those scripts in your head that tell you you're awful and unloveable, and all that. And like I said, just be who you are. Learn how to let go.

    Hope this helps!
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