Ideas & Opinions Does SF sometimes backfire?

[Human Ex Machinae]

Hmm, not quite in the same way, but I find my issues can catch up with me here really badly, yeah.

Spoiler: Much more long-winded explanation

A lot of my life can be summed up with the word conflict. I have a habit of clashing with people a lot, on a lot of things. I'm not generally the sort to back down on things, and unless someone gets me to see things from a new perspective, I will die on that hill until the hill has eroded away to dust. A combo of the way my father raised me and the experiences i've had that have forced me to toughen up and learn to stand my ground, I suspect.

As such, I generally don't care much if some people don't like me, or even hate me. I've accepted it as an inevitability. To some degree, I embrace it, like if I'm pissing some people off, I'm living the right way. But I find myself caring a lot what the people here think of me. Somehow the goodness in this place has wormed its way through my armour and gotten to the softer bits of my heart. And that can really complicate things when I butt heads with some people here, especially the ones who are pillars of this community. It sets off the exact same horrific doubt spiral I get when I properly argue with my dad.

At first I have faith in my ability to argue my points coherently, and confidence that I'm in the right. But as the argument goes on, these little niggling doubts that maybe I'm in the wrong start appearing. And then they fester. Little doubts turn into "I'm wrong to have this argument", which turns into "I'm such an asshole", then "I'm just a useless freak" to "I'm a terrible human being" to "I'm completely poisonous, and I damage everyone I care about, I should just off myself." And bam, I'm in one of the deepest pits I've been in for months.

Several staff could probably confirm that they've seen me go from "Come on, this is unreasonable" to "God, wtf am I doing here, just delete my fucking account. Ban me, please, I'm so fucking toxic." in the space of like, an hour. It looks like such an overreaction to nothing for anyone else. From what I've heard, I have a reputation now as a guy who's generally fine, but occasionally has a massive meltdown. It's actually one major reason why I had to quit my pro role, because I was required to make judgement calls, and whenever I got called out for my decisions, it would start that same spiral.

So yeah, it definitely backfires on me in a different way, but I suspect it's for similar reasons. We care too much about the thoughts and feelings of the people saying the words to just let it go. It sticks with us, and drags us under.

Now trying to figure out if the Optimistic Goat is my Spirit Animal or my Doppelganger?

 

[BarryW]

Ohh yeah I have heard of undertale often but I haven't played it. All good.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

Aw, thanks Lost. Yeah, I try to reassure myself that I usually only get worked up or adamant when I feel someone else's wellbeing is being affected by the matter in question, but I also have to acknowledge I can take it too far at times, or respond in an overly-hostile manner. And that can be difficult, especially when I feel like I've made a scene in front of people I care about. But hey, it's human nature to make mistakes, eh?

For what it's worth, i've always though you were a genuinely lovely person yourself. This place is definitely better off for having you here.

And things are going really well actually, thanks, my exposure therapy has been going great, and things have been becoming much more manageable as a result. I hope things have been going as well as can be hoped for you.

thanks, that made my day I've felt so shit about myself lately, that means a lot

Ah yeah I think it's natural to get agitated if something's important to you, I can relate to an extent. I get fiercely protective or sensitive because I care so much about certain things or just my general mood effects my reactions. I can get too snappy or defensive or make things too deep or negative when it's not necessary, then later I'm like ....oh you idiot how embarassing and silly was that then I hate myself lol. Yeah, we have to try to forgive ourselves! I wish it was easy!

that's great! I'm happy for you!
some things are better thanks, other things still the same or worse but I'm holding on at the moment.. would be nice to see a light at the end of the tunnel soon, been dark way too long

 

[Legate Lanius]

I'm probably the worst person here when it comes to controlling my behavior when my high neuroticism is running wild. I like to think that I make up for any potential hurt feelings by my other posts, but who knows? Apparently the mods have pages of notes on me because I have the self-control of a toddler. Really hope I either stop having bouts of rage/jealousy or can log off when I do, so that I don't accidentally push someone over the edge to self-harm, do drugs or kill themselves.

 

[justrob]

Yeah, definitely agreed. Like, not to sound harsh, but this is kinda why it bothers me a little seeing people posting negativity to those spaces. Like those "What made you smile today" posts that say "nothing". Sometimes you just need to chat with people about light things, find yourself a reason to smile. You need to escape all the sadness and pain in the world for a moment.

Like I'm not judging people who do that, I just wish they'd take the wellbeing of others into consideration and find one of the more appropriate spaces for that kind of post. Like we have two separate complaints threads, and at least two for just posting whatever's on your mind. Why do you need to be posting it to a happy space?

Good point. I would not have thought about that. It does seem like we should keep the negativity out of the encouraging and positive threads. There are enough and plenty of threads for people to discuss how down they are.

 

[StrangeRanger]

Yes I've felt that way a tad bit here & there & have had to take breaks, but it's only sometimes. I came here to find help & sometimes it is helpful, especially knowing I can talk to people who feel similar but it can be really draining sometimes & existentially saddening knowing how many people go through so much & feel the ways they do.... Sometimes trying to give advice to some one in a fragile while I'm in a fragile state myself has been very detrimental feeling & gave a sense of anxiety & hopelessness with certain situations I've come across. But sometimes it has been beneficial too.. sometimes I almost 'absorb' 'the vibe of the post and/or conversation. I really push to think more positively but sometimes it can be really hard some days upon visits depending.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Yes, I have to be really careful because I can absorb emotions easily. If someone is being an asshole, then it will tend to make me angry. If someone is sad, then I will feel sad too. I was crying earlier because of emotional posts friends have made on Facebook. So I really need to block these things out at times.

 

[Lisa the Goatgirl]

thanks, that made my day I've felt so shit about myself lately, that means a lot

I'm so glad to hear that, because you definitely don't deserve to feel shit about yourself, you're awesome.

some things are better thanks, other things still the same or worse but I'm holding on at the moment.. would be nice to see a light at the end of the tunnel soon, been dark way too long

It's good that you're holding things together, although I agree I would want life to be better to you. And I can definitely understand how hard it can be carrying on when the tunnel manages to be that long and dark. There is always a way to find some light though, it's just a matter of holding on and proceeding until you can find it.
Things will improve for you. A good person like you, the universe owes you that.

 

[Przym]

Oddly enough, for a website dedicated to people coming here wanting to die, I find the atmosphere generally more positive and uplifting than say, A Lonely Life, which I always felt incredibly miserable after visiting, for its lack of remedying the very thing people go there for.

I've talked to some really great people here, and have found no judgment whatsoever.

 

[Holding my breath]

As with many others here who have said, it depends on my mood. I tend to absorb other peoples emotions although not as much here as irl. I do however sometimes look out for the more distressing posts, the posts which are marked as triggering, in an attempt to trigger myself. I am generally in a very negative cycle and look for things to give me the final push over the edge.

 

[Dark111]

Trapped – the secret ways social media is built to be addictive (and what you can do to fight back)

https://www.sciencefocus.com/future...-addictive-and-what-you-can-do-to-fight-back/

 

[Innocent Forever]

Does SF sometimes backfire on you? Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming SF but rather myself. That is, I find myself so addicted to SF that I come here habitually even though I'm feeling good. Then in the feel-good state when I read the posts of those in mental anguish, then it backfires by changing my good mood into a miserable mood. So that's what I mean by backfiring. Has this happened to any of you who find yourself visiting here habitually even when in a good mood?? Has it backfired in that way?

If it does that for me I stay away from those posts. Not because I don't care. But it's looking after myself.

 

[Winslow]

If it does that for me I stay away from those posts. Not because I don't care. But it's looking after myself.

But the problem is that even if I know the post might trigger me, but my curiosity gets the better of me and I have to look. In fact there are times when the post includes even a Warning sign "Might Trigger" but I still look.

 

[Innocent Forever]

But the problem is that even if I know the post might trigger me, but my curiosity gets the better of me and I have to look. In fact there are times when the post includes even a Warning sign "Might Trigger" but I still look.

I hear you.
Do you want to change it?