does suicide have to be sad?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by razor2012, Jun 15, 2012.

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  1. razor2012

    razor2012 Active Member

    I don't think I'm as depressed as many people seem to be. Although don't get me wrong, I'm depressed. I'm almost 40, I have a lot of things working against me in my life and I don't feel like getting much older. I'm stuck in a line of employment I hate because my credit is bad and I can't qualify for a student loan to get retrained. There's so much more I could add but I didn't come here to dwell on the issues.

    I'm not THAT depressed, I'm more lazy I think and I just feel stuck in certain areas in my life. I'm more worried about my family, if it wasn't for them I'd probably have already left this place.

    The Buddhists say if we commit suicide, we'll do it 500 more times. but, what if I did this 2 or 3 hundred lives ago? Then does that mean I'm gonna do it anyway this time? Am I just prolonging something that's inevitable? Some people say that killing yourself solves nothing and that you're reborn into a new life with the same problems. But wouldn't there be some relief in getting a new start?

    They say part of all this is leaving your family to mourn you, but isn't it also sad to live your life just to keep people from having to miss you? I'm a bit caught between a rock and a hard place. I don't want people to be sad. I want them to be happy for me that I am going on a trip. I believe in life after death 100%, the thought of dying doesn't bother me much at all. I guess since so many people attach negative emotions to death and suicide it's hard to escape that association.

    I'm not saying I'm totally happy to end my life, but I'm not completely depressed and negative either. It's just not convenient anymore. I hate my job, can't go to school, I'm getting old, I don't have a ton of friends, my family is there a little bit but not much really, some other things which I don't wanna discuss here also, and when I add it all up it starts to spell "goodbye".

    Funny thing actually, I felt like this a few times before in my life but I still had opportunities to go to school, or change my career, or travel etc. Now none of these things are possible at the moment. I'm facing a brick wall and I'm just not that interested in finding a way around it. I can't be bothered to put in the effort. It just doesn't seem worth it. Do you know what I mean? I'm not massively depressed, I just can't be bothered. Where's the reward?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know that brick wall hun the thing is in order to get around it sometimes one has to take a different path. You say you are not sad you are hun you are depressed you are suicdal and you feel like there is no hope You have distorted thoughts now because of you depression you have reasoned it out to be ok to leave I think getting to talk to a professional will help you talking to a career planner as well. There are bursaries grants loans that one can get talk to someone finacial dept of the school see how what is available to you.
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    If someone told me that suicide would result in me having to start my life over again, whether or not I'd do it would depend entirely on whether or not I would retain any of the lessons I've learned thus far. If I could start my life over knowing what I know now, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Yes, a lot of my childhood was awful, but much of it could have been prevented if I only knew how to prevent it. And even if I couldn't avoid the really bad parts, I made a lot of mistakes of my own since then that led me to the place that I'm at today. True, much of my suffering was out of my control, and I was most certainly an innocent victim - but I could've reacted to it better, instead of letting the pain consume me and cloud my judgment. However, if I had to start over again without any knowledge of where things went wrong, I'd most likely make all of the same mistakes again, and that would be pointless.

    I do know what you mean though. I have the power to change my life now if I wanted to, but I just don't know if it's even worth the effort.
  4. Finance

    Finance Well-Known Member

    I just turned 40 in early June and it magnified how bad I felt. Weighs ya down.
  5. bottleneck

    bottleneck Member

    The whole Buddhist reason for not killing myself is why I didn't do it about 10-years ago. That reason has actually held me back for a long time.

    I agree with you though, it would be nice if people could be happy for you. If they realized how really stuck you were, maybe they could see it as if you had cancer and were in physical pain and death is a relief to that pain.

    My trouble is, I have I doubt anyone would be glad I did it, just pissed that I abandoned my kids.
  6. razor2012

    razor2012 Active Member

    @total eclipse.... I feel I'm really not that depressed. I am depressed though, for sure. I guess it's more like death doesn't scare me because I believe in life after death and reincarnation etc., I just want to wake up into a life that I want. If anything I feel more like an extreme traveler than a super depressed person.
    @TheLoneWolf... I do believe we take our lessons with us. It's just that when we opt out early we don't learn ALL the lessons we came here to learn. But, if I feel it's not worth it to stay, I feel it's my call to make. I don't wanna be guilted into staying unless it's my decision to do so.
    @Finance... I've never wanted to live to be 40. I had that in my mind 20 years ago. I was looking actually forward to Dec 21st, 2012, because if we have some sort of spiritual change, it will happen before my 40th birthday. I'm gonna try and wait it out until that time. Just in case something spiritual actually does happen. If not, I don't see the point in hanging around. I'll reassess the situation at that time I suppose. It's just getting harder to think I wanna wait until then.
    @bottleneck... I sometimes wonder if the Buddhists just say that in order to deter us from doing something we may possibly regret afterwards. I watched a show on life after death recently where a guy goes into hypnosis and recalls a previous life where he committed suicide. He remembered his name and address in another country. They checked out all the details and most were accurate about this man's previous life. He's alive and well today and he doesn't seem to be depressed or suicidal. In fact, he's in his 60s.

    I'm gonna try and make it until Dec 21st 2012 because I've been waiting for almost 20 years for this to happen. It's actually one of the things that's kept me going. But it's gonna be a pretty big let down if nothing happens.
  7. bottleneck

    bottleneck Member

  8. cathyr

    cathyr Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well you say you are not depressed...I don't know how this can be if you are thinking of ending your life. Even though I understand your feelings and have felt that way often myself, I still think that suicide under these circumstances is sad....maybe not so much for the person but for their family and friends. This is what always kept me from following through on it. I don't have children but I do have a family and I know how it would devastate them.

    Please talk to your doc about these feelings or a trusted therapist. You do not need to feel shame for feeling them, but hold on to the fact that life can get better for you.
  9. razor2012

    razor2012 Active Member

    That doesn't sound crazy at all. I believe we've all done horrible things in our past lives. I don't believe we, as humans, fully understand the duality of "good" and "evil". They say, even the most evil person is actually learning their own lessons, as are the victims of that person. It's said victims have done things, equally as evil as their oppressor, in previous lives. I believe that. Karma and reincarnation are the only things that make sense to me when I look at this planet and how it operates. Although, when you realize we have "handlers", the "elite", others things start to make perfect sense as well. Such as how everything is structured. How we have to pay just to live. And work like slaves on this prison planet. I'd like to escape incarnation on this planet. But I don't think it's possible until out collective consciousness has learned it's lessons, possibly a spiritual evolution later on this year?
  10. razor2012

    razor2012 Active Member

    I didn't say I'm not depressed. I'm more depressed than I've ever been in my life. But I don't think I'm a serious case. I can function fairly well in the world. I have a social anxiety. Actually, I read some other posts here and I'm quite surprised at how many others here have social anxiety. I sometimes drown my social anxiety with booze, it helps a lot. Don't get me wrong though I could never be an alcoholic based on my personality, (and massive hangovers), it could never happen.
    I think suicide under any conditions is sad. I'm trying to weigh in and out if it's going to be worth it. I agree completely it would be detrimental for all family and friends. That's what I mean by weighing the situation. It's gotta be a better result than staying from all angles. So far, I can't justify it.
    I feel like a friggin slave right now. I'm unemployed but I have to find work soon. There aren't many opportunities where I live and the only job I may have to find is one in which I hate. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
  11. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I think it is safe to say that a large majority of people are employed in jobs they don't enjoy. Even those who have worked hard to build a career in a specific field will often end up unhappy with their situation of employment. Working often is not fun... and could account for why it is called "work" and not "play." Location can very often play a role in the types of employment that is available. Have you considered relocation?
  12. bottleneck

    bottleneck Member

    I totally agree with karma and the duality of "good" and "evil". It's all energy really. I get this feeling a lot where I just feel tired of being human. Like I'm stuck in this body but it doesn't fit quite right. Do you know what I mean? Do you think it's really collective conciousness that has to learn the lesson. Or do you think it's just the soul that has to attain higher conciousness?
  13. razor2012

    razor2012 Active Member


    I couldn't agree more, there aren't many people that can say they love their job. But anyone who can genuinely say they do love their job, usually think so because of the people they work with, or because they're helping people or animals. Of course some people love the money they make, but that doesn't equate to loving their jobs.
    I totally agree about the location thing, I'm working on making a move to the other side of the country. There isn't a lot going on in the city I currently reside.
    I haven't been in my home country for long, a few months. I'm starting all over again from scratch after a few years overseas. I currently have free rent, but it's not gonna last forever and I've gotta get working again. The pressure is on. sigh.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2012
  14. razor2012

    razor2012 Active Member


    I'm not tired of being human, I'm just tired of having all the dung piled up in front of my avatar. I wanna different avatar that's got less restrictions.
    The Tibetans and some Indian yogis have mapped out ways to individually attain higher consciousness, thereby escaping karma and rebirth, through meditation.
    Some people think we've entered a photon belt which is changing our DNA and that we're about to evolve spiritually. They think the whole planet will evolve at or near the end of the Mayan calendar. But, I'm skeptical, as the elite make bigger strides with the banking cartel, censorship, "security" laws, GMO foods, cut backs, corporate monopolies, control of our "education" system, etc. We're in dark times. I sometimes feel like Neo in the Matrix. But, I'd rather take the red pill and drift into oblivion with a happy little life without too many worries.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2012
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