Does the sadness ever go away?

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Ziggy, Nov 12, 2006.

  1. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    In the past I've felt suicidal, but I dealt with it.
    In the past I've felt pain, but I dealt with that too.
    However, it seems to me that if you've lost someone you loved then the sadness will remain with you forever, no matter how much help you seek or how much you talk about it, the sadness will never go away. I simply feel a part of me has died.

    I know people say things like "remember the good times you had together" and stuff like that. But it doesn't help. I don't dwell on it and most of the time I don't think about it, but it's always there, like a splinter that can never be removed. I suppose that's the way life is. I'm looking for answers but I kind of suspect that answers can't be found. Anyone know what it's all about?
  2. the other guy

    the other guy Well-Known Member

    It will go away, i lost a fiance years ago, it takes time but it will go away.

    Everybody deals with pain and loss differently, but will go away, and it will be a memory, most times a good one.

    take it easy.
  3. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    :sad: :sad: :sad:
    I think that a part of you does die. Like you died with them or if they are just gone, like a break-up. It is saddness.
    "SORROW (sad) looks back, WORRY looks around (for answers), FAITH (trust) looks up" I saw that recently.
    I think people mean it changes to understanding/forgiveness/peace or something else with TIME....I can remember the good times, but that makes me cry that they will not be here any longer to have MORE good times. damndamndamn. I have regrets.
    You may always search for coping skills and answers, that is not all bad. From talking to people (mothers) that had child die or child suicide, they always have that pain; but put it in their heart or in a box to cope.

    I hear that you have to forgive them (that left you) and forgive yourself. Then you can process and go on. (I wonder if I can ever get there)
    But remember, we all grieve at our own pace. Some of think suicide cuz of the pain, other cuz of the loss, others cuz of past hurts.
    Even couples, when an elderly spouse dies, sometimes the other dies soon after. They cannot cope.
    I know, because of my emotions and personality, that I will always talk to them and journal about them. And miss them lots.

    just my contribution of the day. Hope this helps.
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think that after a while, like any wound, when it heals some it becomes a scar, which doesn't hurt all the time like the raw wound did, but you are AWARE of it because it feels different from the uninjured part. So no, it doesn't always hurt like it does at first, but you are always aware of the 'difference' in that part of your soul.

    That's how I explain it to myself, anyway.

  5. the other guy

    the other guy Well-Known Member

    that is a nice way to put it, I might have to write that down.
  6. Lonz

    Lonz Active Member

    This is my first experience with death which has me feeling distraught. So, I wonder how time will change things. Now, into day three, I'm maybe better. What makes me feel the worst? Remembering her acts of kindness. 99% of the people I know, friends included, don't go the extra step of calling you or giving little gifts or hugs. She did. Child-like almost. You say "remembering the good times". Right now, that would set me off. But, time will tell.

    damn, damn, damn