Does this count as abuse?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by WhyTry, Aug 12, 2007.

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  1. WhyTry

    WhyTry Active Member

    Ever since he learned to talk, my brother (who is 2.5 years younger than me) has loved to call me names and point out my weaknesses as often as he could. And he would often lie to my parents about having done so when I ratted him out to them (of course, I don't rat him out anymore). And he has physically abused me, too, taking full advantage of my physical weakness in order to do so. It eventually got to the point where I was afraid to be home alone with him, and would lock myself in my room whenever that was the case. And I remember many times when he would chase me around the house, acting as if he wanted to hurt me, and I would eventually hide in my room or hide behind one of my parents (I would use their bodies as a shield of sorts). Lately, I've been trying to figure out why I have such bad self-esteem. Do you think that this could be the reason? And would it count as abuse? Or is it just normal sibling rivalry? I am known for being over-dramatic so I don't doubt that that's the case here. I figured I'd ask anyways, though, just in case I'm not.

    Thanks in advance for your response!
     
  2. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    I would definately say it's more than sibling rivalry hun :hug:
     
  3. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    its not necessarily sibling rivalry...if he seriously hurts you...like leaves bruises or cuts it could be abuse. :hug:
     
  4. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    WhyTry,
    If he puts his hands on you physically that is physical abuse. Him calling you names and downing you is verbal and emotional abuse. Yes, everything you have said he does is abuse. I am so sorry that your going through this. How old are you if you do not mind me asking? If you ever need to talk I am here for you. Take care and I love you. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
     
  5. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :sad: So sorry to hear about that.
    How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

    Your situation sounds so similar to mine..It really does. I know how tough it is to deal with it, I do think that your self-esteem could have been caused by that..It's not normal sibling rivalry, no, I do think it counts somewhat as abuse, but it's overlooked most of the time, I doubt you're being over-dramatic..Send me a PM if you ever want to talk. x x.
     
  6. flatline5150

    flatline5150 Member

    its your brother..thats what siblings do lol i use to beat the shit out of my bro and were all good now. life...live it
     
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    It's true. Brothers do these sorts of things, and although it may be unpleasant for the one taking the brunt of it, it doesn't mean your brother doesn't love you very much, and it doesn't mean that you are being "abused" in the traditional sense. It may have felt shitty, I mean, who likes to be teased and threatened? But this is really very normal and you should try to look at it that way.

    My husband used to climb the walls and brace himself against them so he was on the ceiling and then wait for his brother to pass under him and let go, scaring the shit out of him and landing on top of him. They are and have always been best friends. Boys can be aggressive, but that doesn't mean there is any ill-will or any malintent.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2007
  8. letdown

    letdown Guest

    You hid in your room. You were scared. Your brother lied to your parents and probably being the older of the two perhaps they didn't take you seriously. You felt you were not being heard. You perhaps felt very isolated and scared without anyone listening to you.

    Your needs for safety (emotional and physical) sound like they weren't being met.

    Bullying is abuse.

    Sorry, but I disagree with anyone saying this is 'normal,' or excusing your brother's behaviour because of gender or age. A home isn't supposed to be a place where you are terrified and hide away from siblings or family members who threaten you. Your parents had a responsibility to perhaps be in tune with what was going on, the effects that it was having on you (your fear), and your brother's acting out.

    Whatever the reasons for your brother's actions (and there are many), you were scared and the fact you're asking these questions and wondering about your self esteem shows that what happened has effected you and is important. Whether you see it as abuse is personal, what others say or try and invalidate your feelings can be harmful. Maybe it's something that you have to work out with a counsellor.
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2007
  9. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    Is it me or was that first sentence misguided? If he puts his hands on you in a non threatening, with the intention of NOT harming you, it's not abuse. But what he's doing is definitely abuse, that bastard. Seek help, hun.
     
  10. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    *hugs*
     
  11. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    i go through the same thing except my brother is older.
    like others has said, he makes you scared, he lied to your parents, he taunts you etc.
    he is abusing you emotionally, and if he leaves bruises and cuts then that counts as physical abuse.
    pm me if you want to talk hun :hug:
    i know what your going through!
    xx
     
  12. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    :unsure: I never could determine myself if this was abuse. My brother was the same, in a way. He's older than me and obviosuly specifics were different, but I could never figure it out myself. It was definitely more than sibling rivalry, but I guess most people are saying it was abuse. Anyway, I'm not just talking about myself my point was supposed to be that if you need to talk you can PM me anytime.. we have this in common. Do you still live with him, or are you moved out now?
     
  13. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    This is obviously more than siblin rivalry and yes i would count that as abuse. I went through something similar except the siblin was younger than me. I would say that the reason for your low self-esteem is doing to these events (i have the same problem)
     
  14. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    You used your parents as a shield, why didnt they tell him to bugger off?
    thats worrying. and yeh it's some kind of abuse..
     
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