I don't want to be here but don't want to die. It makes no sense to me. My feelings change rapidly, I could be happy as a pig in shit in an hour but for now I am a ''fucking idiot'' so I'm told. I guess it's the truth I am just an idiot. I'm crying really bad. I had a psych appt yesterday and because of strong meds I missed it, they called me and told me they cancelled someone else to fit me in and I missed it, I feel so bad about that. (i said sorry and rescheduled but i sensed she was angry. I applied to do a cookery course today and said to my sister i will show her how to cook (in a playful way) she called me a fucking idiot. I guess that's what I am. It's not just her but others have called me name in the last few days too ''fat bitch'' stupid bitch'' ''freak'' to name a few. I am usually good at coping but right now I cannot cope, I'm crying badly. Just wanna sleep,sleep and sleep. My mood is low my anxiety is high.