Does this matter?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by JMG, Jun 20, 2014.

  1. JMG

    JMG Well-Known Member

    Hey, I am really just wondering how important this really is to women in particular. I am a woman and for the most part I do not have even 1 male friend that I can really talk to and where I get the feeling that they really care all that much about what I am saying. So the topic name is referring to whether it really matters, in your opinion, whether a woman has any real male influence in her life or not?

    I know it depends on the person and their own personal needs and all that stuff, I guess I am just wondering if there is anyone out there who might say "no" to this question or not. If someone does then it will at least suggest that maybe I don't have to worry about this so much but I'm thinking it maybe is pretty important since they are the opposite gender, for balanced energy in a persons life...right?

    Well ok just 1 last thing which is I just want to clarify that my dad is not someone I can really talk to about anything either. I see him maybe 2-3 times a year at the most he has a new family who he has spent way more time with for the last almost 20 years. My younger sister and I are very low on his priority list and we're pretty sure there is nothing we could say or do to change this fact because he is very emotionally dead.
    I have no man influence in my life and for me this feels very upsetting, hurtful and unnecessary but I don't know what to do about it :(
    Some perspective on this of any kind would be very appreciated, thank you in advance to anyone out there who will be kind enough to read this and reply to it.
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi JMG - sorry it's taken some time to get to reading this, I didn't log on yesterday. I totally understand where you are coming from - the only male influence I grew up with in my life was an aging and distant grandfather who really didn't take the trouble to enter my world at all. I was not allowed to know my father, which fact I ascertained later contributed to his heartbreak - I had no brothers or male cousins and only one uncle (my father's brother) who I only met once, in my attempt to locate my Dad. So the male of the species was actually a mystery to me........ and then I married, and expected everything to just work out fine......... lol! As well as that my mother had her man-hating attitudes that sort of crept into my psyche as "normal" - so I agree entirely with your perception about balanced energy.

    So, yes, in short, I would say that it is relevant to a lot of life issues and skills - because they make up at least half of the world's population. As for what to do about it, the only advice I can give would be the following:

    1) You're doing fine, to have arrived at this awareness at a young age. Being aware that it might/is/probably will be a "special" area for you will mean that in all your dealings with them, you will know to tread cautiously especially when it comes to safeguarding yourself and your emotions and expectations.

    2) If you want to talk about it - always here to be of support. :)
  3. JMG

    JMG Well-Known Member

    Hey yourprecious ty for replying to this wow I guess it's maybe too long n no one wants to read it or somethin lol but happy you did and replied. No need to apologize for the time whenever I post a thread I keep in mind that I should give it at least a day before checking for replies and it took you under that to reply so I'm happy :)
    I'm sorry you didn't have many male influences in your life either, but I think that is great that you still got married at some point at least. I highly doubt whether that is ever going to happen for me, I came close to it recently but now he might be moving to the other side of the country so you can imagine how hurtful as well as confusing as heck that is for me now. And worse, he doesn't even think it's a big deal! It would be 1 thing if I was loaded w/ all sorts of $ n could afford going there whenever I wanted but it is so the opposite of that so ya.

    Anyway I am glad you agree w/ what I said about the balanced energy thing and ty for what you said about thinking I am doing fine. It's interesting what you said about knowing to be cautious when dealing with them because that is definitely exactly what I do. I think a lot of them misinterpret me doing that to mean I'm either not that interested or distant or something but ya I wish at least one of them would really take the time to understand there is so much more to it than that. I would sure like it even if I just had a nice guy to talk to on here (not necessarily on SF but just online period!) but ya w/ the kinds of things I like to talk about most people aren't brave enough to go so deep about things as I enjoy so much.

    Well anyway ty again though for your support, your reply & your PM letting me know you replied also, you are very nice and if you ever want to talk about anything I am here for you also :) *Hugs* xxxx
    PS- My real name is Jenn.
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Well, it's nice to know that there's someone else like me out there, too, lol!! Everyone else I've met in my life hasn't come from a single-parent, siblingless matriarchy - you almost qualify :D :D The interesting thing is, that the man I married when I was 18, I am still married to, by the grace of God..... and our respective "cultures" that we came from have been our challenge as well as our opportunity (his is another story, lol!) He bit the bullet and stuck by me when my deep issues began to surface, and if it wasn't for the love of this wonderful man, I doubt I would have pulled through at all. I am sorry that your boyfriend is thinking of moving away and what he thinks about that. Maybe an indication that he is not right for you long term, and that there is someone else you haven't met yet who is better :) There is some research you can do meantime - I totally recommend "His Needs/Her Needs" by William J. Harley - it was an aid for hubby and me 20-something years ago when we realised we had work to do :)

    p.s. I forgot to mention that mum was an only child herself, so the only people I called uncles and male cousins on her side were a generation removed and consequently unconcerned regarding me... (not that I expected otherwise, that's just how it is) - and high school was a girls only - until 5th form when we amalgamated with the local boys' school - that was quite funny really, because of the effect it had on the hem lengths of our uniforms, lol!!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2014