I'm normally comfortable the way I am, but there are occasions when I see so-and-so and her large group of friends or so-and-so and her husband and her new baby that I think, "I wish I had all of that." The thing is for me to be happy in that situation I would have to more like other people. More normal. And as it is, I'm just too different, too "weird" to not stick out like a sore thumb. Right now I don't even see any point in having a large group of friends or starting my own family other than to fit into social circles--which makes no sense since I don't even have a social life to begin with. I think one thing I still haven't figured out is: Why is it that I still feel like I want things that normal people have that I don't care about when I'm alone? What does it mean if seeing other people and what they have can easily change my mind about what I want... although generally speaking I have a firm sense of identity? And that was the best way I could phrase the nagging feeling I've been having lately. Sorry if it still wasn't clear enough.