Does this really need a title?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SashaJade, May 23, 2012.

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  1. SashaJade

    SashaJade Well-Known Member

    Physically I feel like death warmed up, my head hurts, my throat hurts, my stomach is cramping like a mother fucker and my back has decided to play up again.

    Mentally, i’m fucking exhausted. My brain is spinning in circles; I’ve realised that i’m never gonna be the man that I truely am, I’m always gonna be stuck in this horrific body. I may as well end it all now.

    I’ve thought my method through carefully, and I’m pretty sure that if I go through with it this time, it will work. I’m trying not to, I really I am. The plus side is that I currently only have access to 1/3 of my chosen method, which I’m not going to tell anyone, and I really need to try and make a conscious effort not to go out and find everything else that I need. But it’s so fucking tempting, it really is. It’s so simple, no one would think anything of it if they saw me gathering my supplies.

    But I can’t do this I need to stay strong for my family, they have been through so much shit recently; My momma nearly died, and now my dad has emphysema and tuberculosis at the same time, my death really wouldn’t help right now.

    I just wish they understood the mental suffering that I’m going through. I wish if I was to end my life it wouldn’t destroy them. But i’ve seen my mothers face when she has stood by my in hospital after previous attempts, i’ve seen the tears streaming from her eyes, the sobs escaping as she tries to hold them in; I’ve seen my dads’ anger at me for trying to kill myself, anger is pretty much the only emotion he knows how to show. I’ve seen my sister sobbing until she is sick at the thought of loosing me. Could I do that all over but a million times worse, and not be there to see the results? I honestly don’t know anymore. :unsure:
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I understand i truly do understand I do hope for all their sake hun you stay i stay because i cannot do that to my family either I do hope you get support some kind of support that you can hold onto that can help you be pulled out of that pain your in Your family they are your rope right now but in time i hope you find another reason to stay hugs
     
  3. Sent

    Sent Banned Member

    Mayne common mayne it be ok pls don't feel bad
    Sorry its so hard pls feel better
    Its not ur fault but there's a reasaon for eveyrhting use the illness for good

    Like if I wasn't mental I wouldn't be here and wouldn't of met total
    U can pm her alllll u want
    One day i f I get really mad; ill send her 50 pms!
    Feels good mayne common mayne don't feel sad pleas e its ok
    Mayne its hard I was in jail mayne it will be ok please don't feel sad :-(
    It will be ok mayne
    Its not ur fault ok please
     
  4. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    :( I'm sorry you are feeling so low.. Please try and keep strong. We are all here for you.. I can't really imagine how hard it is for any of your family.. I hope somehow you have some other supports you can lean on..
     
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    hello
    Yes spinning thoughts death hurting people with attempts dosnt make us feel any better.Help can only go so far.I see and know as when my hypo moods finish i go through days of letting people down.But suicide isnt the answer make 1/3 of your efforts in getting well.Alot of people do find it hard to understand mental illness which doesn make it harder when suffering yet its real.Grab hep help you can and use it to help build your own inner strength as well and seriously you could be helping somebody else thats going through the same and know you understand.When everything seems worthless try look at what can be worth while and i know thats hard.Seek ya prof help and keep venting here as it all helps.Take care
     
  6. SashaJade

    SashaJade Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much everyone for your replies and your support.

    I really I am trying to fight this, but it's a battle that's just getting harder and harder for me to fight.
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i know hun each day it does seem hard but just remind yourself that you got through once and you can again ok you are not fighting the battle alone now hugs
     
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