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does what I'm going to do matter

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I've had the majical touch that turns ordinary good things into complete crap and chaos. I strive to be perfect in my career and demand/get it from those around me. I'm sucessfull in what I do. I have failed in my relationship. I just realized what it was that she left me over, unconditional love. Yes, theonly way I realize it is because I discovered it. Oops!! to late!! Damn!! It's been a year since we split but atleast I understand it now!! I understand it so much so, that I know the people around me demand perfection from me and they think they get it, but it's a facade. My career is on the down slide. My relationship has ended. My children are almost grown. There's a big payday for them (insurance money). Bills out the wahzoo!! Unconditional love says i will never fail you. Well I've failed plenty. I'm bitter for demanding from people what I slowly bit by bit was failing at this whole time. I guess grace and mercy right now for the people around me is suicide. So, does what I'm going to do matter? NO. It'll be the most honest thing I've done.


~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Hi chris, welcome to the forum. It sounds like you have learned a lot from your failed relationship, perhaps you can use what you've learned to make a relationship work in the future?
Your children will miss you. Money won't make them happy, having their dad will.
I've started down the road. The same demand I have for people they have for me. I'm a shell. Filled with failure. They perform to be like me. I'm dishonest in that respect. I have to live to their standards. Hypocrite. Thats what I am. When everybody reads this I hope you understand that I never meant to betray you. Hurt you. I found out what "truth" is a year to late.


Well-Known Member
I totally agree with inmemoryofyou..
it matters to your children, friends and family and the 'ripple effect' that suicide has is enormous and taints the lives of so many people..

I hope you will stay around and talk to us a bit more and hopefully find a reason to stay alive..
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