Does you home become unliveable when you are in a down slide?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by kittyD, May 14, 2008.

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  1. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    I'm somewhat ashamed to have to bring this up, its one of the things that isolate and embarrass me.
    I'm not great shakes as a housekeeper at the best of times (my ex inlaws used to call me Peggy Bundy) but as I've slid deeper into this depression, my house has become almost unlivable.
    We moved here by Mar 15 and today we wned our way around boxes with clothes and junk on top of them, the kitchen only gets cleaned when it smells, I tossed most of my dishes so we only have 3s/4s of most so that there can't be towers of unwashed dishes, we're still pulling clothes from bags as we need them, the carpet only gets vacuumed when you can see it, we both just toss and leave crap around. We're almost at the point of calling in "how clean is your house". My mother and m-i-l both called me hurricane Donna becuase I would leave a trail of mess behind me.
    The only person allowed in is my best friend and he even reaches the point where he feels he has to say something. I love my home looking nice and tidy and clean but seem to have missed out on that gene somewhere, I've been like this on and off since childhood. Even my17 yr old son comments on the mess! But their dad is very neat, not clean, neat.
    I'd love to know if anyone else lives like this, pm me if you don't wish to come out on list with it. And if anyone has found a way to change it I need to know how.
  2. tired82

    tired82 Well-Known Member

    For the past couple of years, it was like that for me when things were really low for me (& still is now). I just didn't care any more, thinking what is the point? Dishes that piled up for months at a time get washed on my good days. Empty water bottles lying around because I didn't bother washing cups & didn't take out the recycles. Paper was everywhere. The dining table was covered with a year's worth of mail I didn't go through. My brother used to stay at my place when he visited, but I'd to refuse him the last few visits because of the mess. Maybe 1 friend came over once during the 2 years.

    My family has helped me cleaned up my place, and I don't think I could've done it without them. I don't think I can continue to do so on my own. The condition of my home is a reflection of how I feel inside. Before it was messy & unorganized. Now it's bare & empty. It's up to me to feel better about myself, make positive changes, & pick myself up. But I don't think I can do it. Easier said than done.

    In any case, that's what you would hear. & like me, you probably know that's what it will take. For me there are deeper issues to deal with. If I manage those issues & get on the right track, my home as a reflection of me will reflect that progress.

    Start getting rid of junk & stuff you don't need. I threw out tons of stuff with a lot of hesitation. But once I did, I felt like some of the weight has been cast off with the trash. At this point, I think feeling depressed & empty is better than feeling depressed & dragged down. At least I will be able to fill the emptiness with positive things (if I can get on the right track).
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    my experience is pretty similar: house gets messier when i'm depressed. when i have more energy it gets better.

    best thing i ever did was throw crap away. when i moved to ireland i simplified. the less stuff you have, the less you have to keep clean and organized. started with the clothes - if i havn't worn it in a year, get rid of, same for shoes and boots. then books - same dealio - give to charity if i don't want it anymore. CDs - as my musical tastes change do the same thing.

    there's a book i recommend - Julie Morgenstern - Organizing from the Inside Out. You can get it at the library or cheaply from She will walk you through the process of decluttering, by looking at the *reasons* you keep so much stuff around. Really, really worth reading. Good luck!
  4. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    yeah most definitely.

    when i get in a regular routine with housework- it's amazing to know that 3 proper meals a day is so important. it helps but my emotional/mental health has to be stable enough for that. if i feel it isn't, i usually wander from one house to another until i feel better. and that isn't a conscious choice, i seem to be doing a lot without even thinking. i'm glad i have access to 3 places. if i didn't, i'd be in a lot of trouble because it's not only when i'm in a 'downslide' - if i'm 'high' manic floating all over the place buzzing around i just don't care about anything apart from going with that flow

    same with depressed floating

    when i'm unwell i am just a dead shell. my flat just goes to rot while i rot too.

    i feel having a relatively clean, i'm never going to be tidy, but clean place helps my mind a lot.
    just like taking showers. if i'm not taking showers and rotting that means i'm really very unwell. because i usually can't bear to not take a shower or to feel dirty...
  5. Cas

    Cas Well-Known Member


    What has happened to me recently is quite the opposite. I've become pretty much obsessive about having a clean house, no matter what else is going on. I have found a lot of enjoyment on my hands and knees with a scrubbing brush, disinfectant and hot water on my hardwood floors. :blink:
  6. ari

    ari Staff Alumni

    I am pretty anal about my house..but it gets worse when I am down....i clean even ..walls...everything...
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I can understand that, when I hit my low, which I'm at now :sad:, I get nearly like you, doubt as much as that.. I can't do anything, I want to hide, I want to just sit and hope I disappear, just die. My physical disabilities make it really hard too, but depression is a horrible thing. :hug:
  8. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for sharing. I find it so hard to get started, when every space I look at is a mess and every place I go to put some things away is a mess. Then I ususally just pile it up. Sometimes my house is like an archaelogical dig, layer by layer. But I often know where everything is, or at least which pile it might be on. I've read books on de-cluttering, its just been a lifetime thing with me. I'm sure some analyst would peg it as being the only of older parents who doted on me. But I can remember times when my dad would be at a worksite for a month and my mom would let things slide. But in her old age she was so organized that I was amazed. AFter clearing out her things I have 4 big boxes just of organizer boxes etc.
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    When I am not on the edge, my apt is very neat, but I don't remember how long it's been since I wasn't this bad. I always do bad but there is majorly bad and extremely bad with me.

    I'm sorry you are struggling with things, hun. If you ever need to talk, feel free to contact me. :hug:
  10. k0000

    k0000 Member

    good lord, yes.

    at one point my apartment was full of pizza boxes, two liter pepsi bottles, and over flowing ashtrays.

    i would get up the energy to put the shit in a garabage back everyone once in a while, but then i'd just let the garbage bag sit in the house. after awhile the place was full of full garbage bags.
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