Doesn't Help Anymore

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Otis1991, Mar 19, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Otis1991

    Otis1991 New Member

    Hey guys, this is my first post. I've been thinking about taking my own life on and off for years, and tried twice one night (I was drunk, so I don't know if that counts), I have an eating disorder, probably some undiagnosed mental health issues and a history of self-harm going back to high school. I'm a guy, if that helps any with your advice. This may be triggering, so proceed with caution.

    I used to burn myself a few times a month, then get better for a few months, then get back to it. I hadn't burned in nearly a year until yesterday. The reason I used to burn was because my anxieties and emotions would get too powerful to resist and when I burned my mind would focuse on the pain and then I would go numb and then forget about what I was so worried about. Yesterday I was thinking about suicide again, and it was really getting to me (I don't want to die, but I feel like I've got nothing to live for and no chance of getting better, and it's all I can think about sometimes) so I burned myself. It hurt a lot, like always, and I've got a gross little blister and second-degree burn on my arm, but it didn't make me feel any better. No, it didn't even distract me during the pain. I sat down for a few hours and combatted thoughts of suicide for a few hours before I called a friend (I didn't tell her what was going on) and just chit-chatted for a few minutes to keep myself from doing something stupid.
    I really do think about suicide every day. If I can't take my mind off of it with self-harm anymore, I'm afraid of what might happen to medown the line. The friend only helped a little, and one day nobody's going to answer their phone (like the night I got drunk). And I've called a helpline, the Samaratins, and found that they were not very helpful at all. I can explain the burn easily ( I work somewhere with hot surfaces everywhere) and I don't mind the pain or scarring. I just don't want to feel like dying.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.