Doesn't make sense to me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Jan 7, 2015.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    If no one cares about me, and I don't care about myself, then why should I stay alive any longer? Kind of feels like a pointless existence to me...
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Don't mean to make you feel guilty, I am just being honest. I care about you and I'm sure others do too. Even those who are mean could very well care. Words spoken and words thought are 2 completely different things in my experience.
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I know some people here do care, but it wouldn't do any irreversible damage if I killed myself. I know that people would get over it eventually. I am sick of crying and being hurt all of the time. Most people treat me as if I am disposable, and see me in the worst light, even though I give them no reason to treat me that way. It just seems like a losing battle most of the time.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I can understand feeling that way. But do people really forget? In my books they don't. I know I will never forget my friends that have passed away and I think when it is suicide it's more likely people will be left feeling dazed and confused and reeling with shock. I guess everyone is different in that aspect.
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    People can be cold or insensitive out there but there are genuine people that cares what happens to ones they love or like.
     
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    The problem is that no one ever has or ever will love me. Most people don't even like me that much. People that know me from here don't know me well enough to miss me for the long term. I mean it might hurt at first, but the pain will ease over time. No one off the site cares, so I guess that's even more of a reason to do this.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    How is your relationship with family? I often read you diary and I see a creative nice person. I know that it can feel bad at times to think no one would care if you died, maybe they are just putting on a front? thinking it would help you if they were harsh etc...
     
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Finding the special person that will love you is a hard task give it a shot, you gotta keep on smiling because someone might be falling in love with your smile. Never know when those people walk into our lives.
     
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm sorry I posted this thread, I won't bother anyone here anymore
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You do not have anything to be sorry for. I am here if you need to talk hun.
     
  11. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    It's nice (probably the wrong word) to find someone who thinks like I do.

    I spend all night reading sites like this and then it's another day. And I hate myself because I chickened out yet again.

    My family will miss me but my parents won't have to worry about my future and can spend all their money on themselves while they are still living. My sibs won't have to worry about who's going to take care of me in the future--they have their own lives and we were never taught how to be adult siblings.
     
  12. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Wasnt a bother at all. Im sure you werent alone in feeling that way. There was bound to be folks out there that identified with how you felt.

    :hug:
     
  13. deb22

    deb22 Well-Known Member

    Hi, Witty Sarcasm, I am on this site, this forum, for a reason and I can tell you that to date it has saved my life..so far. I read a lot on here sometimes for long hours through the night just to get through. I noticed that you have THOUSANDS of posts and I want you to know that I guarantee it has helped keep some soul alive out here in the world. It may not reflect back to you and you will never know them in your real life but it's true just the same. So if your purpose is to save others by just existing I'd have to say that is a hellava lot more meaningful than many on this earth.

    Oh and by the way I am sitting here in a bunny shirt that was my spouses whom I lost just a short while ago and "My bunny will bite you if you don't play nice" quote just made my evening a little better.

    Take care and I hope you get through this rough spot and please realize sometimes the ones who care or are thankful the most you may never even meet
     
  14. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Not good at all...in fact I am really convinced they don't care one bit. Just the way they treat me, they don't seem to have any regard for my feelings at all. It wouldn't really hurt them if I was dead.
     
  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I doubt that, my smile is an eyesore, not that I have much of a reason to smile. It's too bad guys always use me, I really could have made someone happy. All I wanted to do was be loved and get loved in return, but I just got hurt badly.
     
  16. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm sorry you feel this way....I'm sorry anyone does. I know I hate living like this, which is why I want a way out.
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Do you live with them? I think it's very difficult for our families to try and understand our mental illnesses and will say the wrong things at the wrong times, there's no doubt about that but you may be in their thoughts and they don't know how to help you and get frustrated. It gets hard for them just as it is hard for us so it may be in part just not knowing how they really feel maybe?
     
  18. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm glad this forum has helped you, and I think I have helped people, but I also feel like anyone trying to help me is like helping a lost cause. Maybe I'm too damaged to get better, I don't even know anymore. I'm glad the bunny was able to make you feel better, I'm not even sure where I first heard that. But it reminds me of Happy Bunny and their sarcastic sayings.

    Sorry I am writing so much on this thread or just in general...I just need something to focus on before I break down. And thought it would be easier to reply individually so I don't get overwhelmed
     
  19. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Yeah I do, and it's hard because they are always fighting. That's gone on for as long as I can remember, and I never got used to it. Maybe they just don't know how to communicate and it comes across the wrong way. I try not to let it hurt me, but I just get hurt too easily.
     
  20. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Oh I know that feeling all too well especially as there's a 16 year old and 9 year old in the house lol but I am the same, I'm quite sensitive and tend to take things to heart no matter how hard I try not to.
    Things WILL get better, feelings change and while it may not seem they care and use words that hurt, they most likely do care.
     
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