doesn't work.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by plates, Apr 23, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i told my therapist cutting hitting bruising doesn't work.

    before, it woul dhave meaning. it would signify my pain but it would also be very secretive and i would be ashamed of it kind of.

    if i could, i'd cut all over my body to mirror the pain inside. but it just wouldn't do the pain any justice.

    it's frustrating. has anybody felt these violent urges but thought, that wouldn't help. it'd be too frustrating to do that because the pain inside is more than any amount of cuts, or depth of cuts or how fucking disfigured i could make myself.

    inside is just wreckage. it's flesh torn apart. and it's inside of myself. and no amount of visible lacerations will help that as it's already been done. it's inside of me and it hurts when i can feel it. i can't feel it sometimes but when i can feel it i don't want to be alive and self harm is completely useless.

    p.s psychiatric nurses think this is a great improvement. my eating disorder has improved and there is no DSH for a long time. what they don't get is that i'm dying underneath.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2009
  2. Keno

    Keno Member

    I can relate, no amount of words, cuts etc, could express how destroyed I feel inside.
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    that's how i feel too keno.

  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I hear you.

    Is there a more positive way you could express your pain? Would art maybe be something worth thinking about?

    I also hope, so, so much, that those working with you hear that you are feeling so wretched inside despite what is going on on the outside.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    thank you for your reply and kind words :hug:

    i've got to a place where it's killing me inside. i've expressed my pain as much as i can on this forum, so i suppose that's stopped me killing myself. yeah i've tried art but i don't feel the need to express it anymore. it's just eating me up inside.
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i wish i could self harm because at least it helped something. i was thinking what this meant, does it mean that any method of relief will not work as the pain inside outweighs any attempt to relieve it, and is killing me already?
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    or maybe i'm already numbing myself inside automatically as the pain is too much. who knows, whatever it is, i know that any kind of self harming method would help me at the moment to stay alive, but i also know it will be useless.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.