Dog Whistle

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by BelovedDreamer, Sep 9, 2006.

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  1. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    I want you
    To tell me that I’m beautiful
    So I can die laughing.
    I want you to take me up
    And strangle me with your tongue.
    I want this all to be over.
    Everyone deserves an ending
    Mine is feeling overdue.
    I don’t give a damn how young I am
    What a beautiful life I have before me.
    All the chances I’ll miss.
    I am what I am
    I see an ugly life behind me
    And rolling out in front of my feet.
    Being young
    Is not all it’s cracked up to be.
    And all I can see
    Are all the chances I’ve already missed.
    Let go.
    Take your grasping hands off me.
    I can’t stay here one more minute.
    It’ll be the end of me.
    Another hour
    Another day
    Another interminable
    Terminal
    Sentence.
    One more prison
    To crack my bones
    And break my spirit.
    Add another pill to the cocktail
    Seizures
    A brand new twist to the side effect mix
    Put it in a martini shaker and shake it
    Drink it raw.
    Here is my script!
    Read what it says
    Prozac
    Wellbutrin
    Something ending in a –pam
    And an –ol
    The health food remedies
    Valerian and Kava Kava.
    The less than legal remedies.
    An SSRI to calm the panic
    A Tricyclic to keep me from swan diving off a bridge
    A soporific to knock me out when the other two fail
    And soon-to-be
    A stimulant
    Concerta or Ritalin or something in that vein
    To give me my memory back.
    There’s no use making therapy appointments
    When you forget them everytime.
    Look mama, I can concentrate!
    My drugs tell me to smile.
    You have your sweet little girl back.
    If only she would stop screaming.
    But it’s okay
    The sound is like a dog whistle
    Pitched just so.
    Most people can’t hear it.
    Dear mama
    I’m glad I was able to give you this time.
    It took just about everything I have left.
    I want you to remember me smiling.
    Dear beautiful girl
    Grown girl
    With grey in your hair
    I didn’t get to say goodbye
    And I never really said hello
    But here goes nothing
    Hello.
    I like the color blue.
    I’m afraid of squirrels.
    You’re beautiful.
    Thank you for moving my heart.
    Goodbye. Good luck.
    I wish I had had the chance to explain myself.
    Mostly
    I just wish
    I could hand off my remaining strength to someone.
    Give the years I’m giving up
    To my dog.
    Leave something for someone
    Anything
    Anywhere.
    I wish someone would turn to me
    And give me something
    I could live in
    Inspiration that won’t do me in.
    But what can I say?
    Things are as they are
    And I am what I am
    And the two just don’t mesh well
    And that’s that.
     
  2. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Why?.. whats so bad?..
     
  3. It was long but I loved it Beloved.
    The list of drugs is depressing enough...
    doesn't it make you feel like a lab rat some days
    Life sometimes gives no peace so we find other ways
    but it's all one long trial
    to find a way to smile again
    but we just can't win

    (so we write poetry)

    "There’s no use making therapy appointments
    When you forget them everytime"

    This kinda made me laugh - cuz I too have a good memory - it's just SHORT! I have to write everything down (and remember to write it down...) My God, how one second fades away into another!!!! I love you for your honesty...

    Oh - and I love the title
    And one more thing ----
    die laughing, cuz you ARE beautiful!


    {{FAL1}}
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2006
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dearly Beloved;

    I also love you (and your poems:smile: ) and find you beautiful. But I want you to 'live laughing' if at all possible and whenever possible.:laugh:

    You are truly amazing and talented - and sincere as I am, that sounds trite to me cause you are MORE than amazing and talented. And I, a born English major, cannot find the words of appreciation to match your poem's "best words in the best order".

    I give you this quotation from A Word A Day: "In small matters trust the mind, in large ones the heart." (Sigmund Freud)

    Trust your heart. It's in your poetry and it's trustworth!:wink:

    love,

    least
     
  5. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member


    I do feel like a lab rat sometimes, especially because psychiatric medicine is such a trial and error process. My psychiatrist is also not the most comforting of souls. Ha. She recently informed me that the most recent addition to the cocktail is a "shot in the dark." If only they knew more about the brain and the effect these drugs have and why... I rather like my brain and am less than fond of the idea of some person, regardless of whether her name is preceded by a d. r. or not, shooting hypothetically chemical rifles off at my neurons while wearing a blindfold...
     
  6. "I do feel like a lab rat sometimes, especially because psychiatric medicine is such a trial and error process. My psychiatrist is also not the most comforting of souls. Ha. She recently informed me that the most recent addition to the cocktail is a "shot in the dark." If only they knew more about the brain and the effect these drugs have and why... I rather like my brain and am less than fond of the idea of some person, regardless of whether her name is preceded by a d. r. or not, shooting hypothetically chemical rifles off at my neurons while wearing a blindfold..."

    Beloved;
    I can only begin to imagine - since spring and my nervous breakdown I'm on a set of drugs, not as prolific as yours, but it makes one feel vulnerable. It's terrifying! Mental illness is still such a mysterious realm, and the thing of it is that each person is different... Your writing is such a great release though, as a release reading your wonderful expressive words is...

    {{FAL1}}
     
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dearly Beloved;

    I love your description of your lab-rat-feeling and how you described what your Pdoc - the less than helpful one:sad: - was doing: shooting drugs into you while wearing a blindfold. A lovely and funny description of what she's doing.:wink:

    love,

    least
     
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