I want you To tell me that I’m beautiful So I can die laughing. I want you to take me up And strangle me with your tongue. I want this all to be over. Everyone deserves an ending Mine is feeling overdue. I don’t give a damn how young I am What a beautiful life I have before me. All the chances I’ll miss. I am what I am I see an ugly life behind me And rolling out in front of my feet. Being young Is not all it’s cracked up to be. And all I can see Are all the chances I’ve already missed. Let go. Take your grasping hands off me. I can’t stay here one more minute. It’ll be the end of me. Another hour Another day Another interminable Terminal Sentence. One more prison To crack my bones And break my spirit. Add another pill to the cocktail Seizures A brand new twist to the side effect mix Put it in a martini shaker and shake it Drink it raw. Here is my script! Read what it says Prozac Wellbutrin Something ending in a –pam And an –ol The health food remedies Valerian and Kava Kava. The less than legal remedies. An SSRI to calm the panic A Tricyclic to keep me from swan diving off a bridge A soporific to knock me out when the other two fail And soon-to-be A stimulant Concerta or Ritalin or something in that vein To give me my memory back. There’s no use making therapy appointments When you forget them everytime. Look mama, I can concentrate! My drugs tell me to smile. You have your sweet little girl back. If only she would stop screaming. But it’s okay The sound is like a dog whistle Pitched just so. Most people can’t hear it. Dear mama I’m glad I was able to give you this time. It took just about everything I have left. I want you to remember me smiling. Dear beautiful girl Grown girl With grey in your hair I didn’t get to say goodbye And I never really said hello But here goes nothing Hello. I like the color blue. I’m afraid of squirrels. You’re beautiful. Thank you for moving my heart. Goodbye. Good luck. I wish I had had the chance to explain myself. Mostly I just wish I could hand off my remaining strength to someone. Give the years I’m giving up To my dog. Leave something for someone Anything Anywhere. I wish someone would turn to me And give me something I could live in Inspiration that won’t do me in. But what can I say? Things are as they are And I am what I am And the two just don’t mesh well And that’s that.