Doing everything wrong - mind battle?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by brknsilence, Sep 15, 2016.

  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Got out this morning to take the kids to the Dr., got gas for our van, and did another errand. Just got home and already my thoughts has been thinking I am doing everything wrong. Just keep thinking I am going to get into trouble over something small. Seems I can't go anywhere without my thoughts going like this.
     
  2. draws

    draws Active Member

    Empathy! I just ranted about something similar. I got no advice today, I keep erasing what I'm writing because it sounds wrong.
     
    OCDNihilism likes this.
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hugs

    Hope we can get through this moment. Here for you
     
    draws likes this.
  4. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    That foreboding feeling...I know it. I walk on eggshells sometimes, waiting to see where I'm going to slip up and I get so worked up that I end up hurting myself all the time, not purposely, but in a clutzy type of way. For me anyway, it's a lack of self-confidence. I have to keep telling myself that I'm making good choices, doing the right things and taking care of my family the best way I can. But some days the positive self talk doesn't work all that much unfortunately.
     
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I try to just get through knowing I am taking care of stuff that needs to be done. Doesn't help at times when others stares and comment on how I do stuff.

    I think I may still be bothered on what happened over a year ago when the police was called on me.
     
  6. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    No pressure, but do you feel like elaborating on that? I'll be honest, the second year we were together, my bf called the cops on me. We'd had a big fight and he "ordered" me to leave his apartment, he wanted me out by the morning...I'd moved in a few weeks earlier and had already rented out my own place. I refused to leave, nobody was going to put me on the streets. This was at the very beginning of the emotional abuse. So he called the police with grandiose ideas that they would take me away in handcuffs and ban me from being near him. And why? All because I had opened up to him and told him I felt he was neglecting me. He couldn't handle the criticism, so he called. OF COURSE, the police did nothing, it was my residence. But after they left I told him it was through and I'd leave on my own terms, not under orders. Of course...he felt remorseful, made up, all that stuff. But I'm STILL humiliated and angry about that incident, I can't let it go, every little thing he says reminds me of how dumb he used to be and how hurtful it was. The trust will never be there 100% anymore I think.
     
  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I had taken my kids to the playground and my 3 year old (at the time) started running towards the parking lot. After calling after her to stop, I ran after her, yanked her back just before she could make her step into the parking lot. Trying to get her to our vehicle so I can feed my baby (at the time), she kept fighting me. There was a group of people who apparently didn't agree with how I handled the situation they called the police on me. The officer said they got a call saying I yanked on my daughter's arm. I told him, "Yes, I did" I explained everything that was going on and him being a parent himself understood where I was coming from. He even talked to my kids and saw how well and happy they were. He noticed my daughter wasn't even hurt. He had no concerns at all and left us be, but that triggered suicidal thoughts that day and ever since I have struggled getting my kids and myself out in public scared the police will be called on me again.
     
  8. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Geez, that's awful. You know Brknsilence...people are horrible, I have no faith in humanity and I rarely come across someone who isn't inherently judgmental and bad. I don't think I'm a skeptic, I think I'm realistic. It's so easy for people to judge others when they are not in a certain situation or don't walk in our shoes. I've had that happen to me, minus the police, when I've disciplined my dogs with a choke collar. People who are ignorant don't understand that it is a good tool for training. Of course, there are people who abuse it to harm the animal but used properly it works. I've gotten dirty looks and even a few comments that I have ignored. But I feel the same way, I don't even want to walk my dogs in public anymore because it really doesn't matter what I do because SOMEBODY will judge me and feel superior, thinking they know better than me. I now walk my dogs only early in the morning and in the woods where there are no hypocrites out there to try and make me feel inferior. I'm so sorry you went through that. You had to save your daughter for eff's sake.
     
  9. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hugs

    Just wish it wasn't so hard going out in public. Sorry that happened to you too on both situations. There are a lot of people who judge. Just sad that stuff like this happens.

    My oldest daughter told me, "Did you see what that mother did?" one time when she saw a mother spank her child once they got home at an apartment complex we were at. I told my daughter, "It's not our business why the mother spanked her child and the child probably needed that pop on the butt." I didn't see anything wrong and I may have done the same thing if my child was misbehaving. I didn't know what really caused the mother to do this, but like I told my daughter, "It wasn't my business."

    Just wish others can see the big picture before saying something or doing something. To really stop and think before reacting.

    Just sad, how we can't feel comfortable going places without being judged or something worse.

    Hugs
     
    Frances M likes this.
  10. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I guess that's exactly why I chose the life of a hermit! I cannot understand why people judge, why people make it their business to interfere with how others live their lives, and how self-righteous they are, assuming self-perfection. I struggled for years to try to fit in, but it's just not worth the battle anymore. I say that with pride and self-understanding though, not with exasperation. If humans want to treat each other that way, let them, I'm fine with my pets and Nature. The only thing I can say is to find some way to detach yourself from others while you're out, how? I don't know because I don't even bother going out much anymore. It sucks though because you have kids, you can't hide at home all the time either...Hugs back to you for your strength!
     
  11. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    My husband keeps wondering why I stay inside most of the time and rarely contact people. At times, I force us to get out, so the kids can get out atleast. But even then, I feel like I been walking on egg shells. It's easier when my husband goes with me. If it's just me, I normally avoid going places. I rarely go to parties or get-togethers. I just don't want to upset anyone. Just wish I felt comfortable but I don't. Been about a month since I even been to church. My husband takes the older kids though, so glad he can get them out. I could stay in my house and not go places if I could. Just hard when needing groceries or other items, taking the kids to the Dr's or dentist office, or my appointments. Just want to be okay seeing and talking to people without being scared.
     
  12. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I still feel that way when I have to go out. I'm the driver in our relationship so I do the grocery shopping. My boyfriend has extreme social anxiety and offers to go with me if we can go after dinner when there aren't many people around. I need to get it over with first thing in the morning, so I always go alone, but I cringe as soon as I hit the highway towards the town where I have to shop. I've gotten it down to twice a month only and I don't look forward to it. I hope things get better for you, I hate when we can't avoid doing things that are needed...
     
  13. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hugs

    I feel the same.

    So sorry...
     
    Frances M likes this.
  14. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

  15. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hugs everyone