Doing really bad... Need someone to listen...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by marycotter5678, Nov 2, 2009.

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  1. Here is my story. I am 25 yr old female... I have been with my boyfriend for 7 yrs and we live together. We have had ups and downs. Most recently, starting in September, we have ha some real trouble and have stopped talking to eachother for 2 weeks... that's when I found out I was pregnant - when I told him, he told me to leave him alone and that he doesnt care. But then the next day after speaking to his family he said we should keep the baby and that he loves me and we should get married. I felt reluctant because of everything that has been happening and i felt his parents just wanted a grandchild and that was it and somethign was telling me not to do this - maybe it was the hormones. Anyway, I made an appt at an abortion clinic for the following week, just in case. That week, I was leaning towards keepig the baby and was planning on canceling the appt when the night before it, he comes home late and starts going off on me that I am a piece of shit that comes from a no good family an that his father always told him so. He said he doesnt love me an that he cant stand to be around me. That night we were supposed to make the decision and I was totally surprised by this.. I just stayed quiet and cried. The next day we didnt say a word to eachother and I went to the clinic. I texted him from the clinic saying are you sure i should o this? but he didnt respond... it was 2-3 hrs fromt he text message till the abortion. I was checking my phone every second because i reallhy wanted this baby,. But i just kept telling myself its the hormones and to snap out of it and i just think of the night before where he called me all those names and said all those hurtful things. When I got to the final stage of the abortion where they're about to put u to sleep i was screaming inside saying no i dont want to do this but nothing came out of my mouth and as soon as i woke up i was regretting it and crying...
    He didnt come home that night and has been at his parents for the past 4 days. I have been crying and depressed ever since.. over the abortion and now over the fact that he hates me. I broke down yesterday when i saw that he was seeking out other girls to date and actively posting pictures an chatting girls up on the internet through some dating site. I called him and broke down begging him to come home, etc etc.. He told me that he doesnt love me and that he will never be with me.
    I texted him and calle dhim like crazy yesterday and today... he keeps telling me to leave him alone and that he doesnt love me.

    I am now in excrutiating emotional and physical pain. I cant eat, cant sleep.. I hate myself and I hate my life. I want him back in my life and I want the baby back.. and it seem,s i cant have either. So i am thinking of suicide...
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Oh honey, my heart goes out to you. I'm at a loss for words and I wish I were there so I could hold you while you cry. Where is your family right now? Can you go stay with someone for a few weeks?

    Please keep posting here, we'll walk through this with you.

    :hug:
     
  3. I can't tell anybody about this. I also don't have the will power to even get out of my pajamas since Wednesday. The time has been passing by very slow and I am tired of counting the minutes of pain. But I am a coward and am afraid that suicide will hurt.. I am trying to find a painless method or at least a quick one that is available to me...
     
  4. I can't tell anybody about this. I also don't have the will power to even get out of my pajamas since Wednesday. The time has been passing by very slow and I am tired of counting the minutes of pain. But I am a coward and am afraid that suicide will hurt.. I am trying to find a painless method or at least a quick one that is available to me...
     
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    You would benefit so much if you can find someone to confide in. Call the local crisis line or even 1-800-suicide. Get set up to see a professional because this is a big, traumatic event and the sooner you get help, the better this can be dealt with.

    :hug:
     
  6. kote

    kote Account Closed

    i agree with chargette.

    i went through a similar experience when i was 19 and it destroyed me. i had nowhere to turn and everyone i did turn to turned their backs.

    it still haunts me now and after 11 years it still does and i sought and had councilling for it which helped.

    you need to open up and talk through all your emotions. i know it will make you feel more exhausted but honestly it will help. this site is great for opening up. the chat room is always there and someone will always listen and support you.

    i feel your pain right now as it brought it back to me.

    please just open up and let the emotions out, even if it seems that you are repeating yourself it will help.

    i really hope you take care and the site can help you through everything, and seek out some form of councilling as i promise it really will help in the short and long term.
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with the others.. Suicide is not the answer... You need to seek out a therapist that you feel comfortable with(preferably a woman) And let this out.. Bottling it up is only going to make you more depressed..At least call the crisis line.. Talk to them..We will help support you so don't be afraid..I'm a male so I can only understand that you are in pain.. I just lost a granchild and it hurt..I hope you get the counseling that you need..Take care!!
     
  8. Brianw

    Brianw Well-Known Member

    look if he doesnt want to man up and help you hes not the one for you dont worry over it you seem like a really good person you have friends you have a life and i kno you regret the abortion but you cant take it back thats y you gota move on from this and move foward ok
     
  9. I am doing really bad... I have not slept at all this night and kept calling him with no answer of course.
    I know I need help but I don't know if I want it... It just hurts so much and I can't accept what has happened. I just want the pain to go away... I am in complete agony
     
  10. Brianw

    Brianw Well-Known Member

    dont give up hope cause there is more in life than him and wat happened if he wont talk to you just forget him and move on
     
  11. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
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