After years of therapy and a great counselor I was doing really well in life. A few days ago the girl I just started seeing had a breakdown and left unexpectedly for an evening. I was taking care of her dog at her place imagining the worst when I didn't hear back. Ever since this night I feel triggered and trapped Into this terrible situation. Where I just don't feel like living anymore. It's not her fault, but I'm just back in a hopeless head space where everything in life is just a huge chore for no purpose at all. I work with inert welding gasses which provide such an easy way out, and the temptation is there every day. I'm thankful for many things in life, and know that it could be much worse. I feel like a hamster on a wheel of work with no purpose or joy. There is just no compelling reason to keep trying other than to keep wearing myself out everyday to sleep and do it all again.