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Doing something with my life, yet I still hate it

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I have never really enjoyed life in the 21 years that I have lived. I am only 20, but I am turning 21 on the 4 of September, which is sort of scary, which further makes me hate life. I just lost all my friends because they think I do drugs 24/7. I don't do them 24/7, and I mainly just drink, so they are wrong.

I hate life so much, I like other people suffering just as much as I do. I sound insane? Perhaps I am. The only reason why I don't do something drastic, is because I am a coward. I'm tired of living, but afraid of dying.

I'm going to Job Corp on the 20th of September. But it doesn't make me all of a sudden enjoy life. I thought I would all of a sudden get this urge to live, but I don't. I keep thinking to myself, I'm going to Job Corp, which will cause me to have to live with people in a dorm, what if I go insane on them all? I've been a recluse since I was 16 after I dropped out of Highschool.

Yes, I'm a dropout, proceed with the insults if you must.

I'm currently being evicted cus I don't have the 600 bucks a month anymore. And I have by the 1st to get out. I've decided to take everything I can hold, in an army duffel bag, and just leave everything else and restart. The fat ass landlord can take everything from me, for I don't need it.

I don't know why I am posting this here. Maybe it's because I want some attention now? Maybe because I see all these other people post about how they want to end their lives, yet, they have a life worth living. I don't know.

It gets sort of old talking to the voice in your head for the past 6 years.

Anyway, here I leave this post, I probably won't check back here. One of my many marks on the internet.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
You are reaching out hun for support that is why you posted hugs to you Lots of kids drop out of school hun but look at you going to job corp trying again
Have you talked to anyone hun about how you are feeling Sometimes it just helps to have someone listen and care Talk to your doctor okay see if you can get something to help you alleviate all these thoughts hugs


Staff Alumni
I hope you do check back to let us know how you are...you will not get insults here...also, you are posting because you want support and caring...this is a smart thing...please continue to post; you will be surprised the relationships you can make here...J
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