Don´t feel sorry...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by girl_28, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. girl_28

    girl_28 Member

    don´t feel sorry for me when that happens, i did what i needed to do to make myself hope for a happier place. don´t look at me with regret or feeling sorry for what i did, don´t you realize will be too late? don´t you know that hurts me more? never say that you didn´t know i was having a hard life because i told you before that nothing will ever make me happy but you chose not to listen.
    Don´t go around bragging about our friendship, if you were my friend, my confident, my special someone you would have been there for me and i will never feel alone. all i wanted from you was a hello, i wanted you to care for me but i can´t force love, i can´t force you to care, i am nothing and nobody when it comes to keep a friendship or at least inspire some sympathy in other people, i am the one everyone is embarrased to have as a friend, i am the one that never gets a phone call or is never called to play with the other kids, i knew that since i was a little girl, since the first time i took out my school sissors and tried to cut my veins in front of everyone. you say you are tired of my complaints, tired of me making you suffer, tired of my life because to your eyes i have everything i can ask for, to you i am just a spoiled diva that wants to call your attention and make you humillate yourself because i cried for your love. you think i love to play victim, you think that my fears are just a product of my inmaturity and my stupidity, you don´t realize that i can have pain, that i can suffer and that i need you more than any other stupid thing in my life. the only thing you want from me as for now is distance, you don´t even want to hear me how good is for me to make a fool of myself and think that you might care sometime somehow about me. i can´t even sleep thinking about you, having nightmares where i lose you entirely, where i wake up with severe stomach pains and a terrible fear of losing you only to realize that i can´t lose what i never had. i was never loved but it was always my fault, i always tried hard to hold on the things that came to my life without realizing that for others i was just a game. i dont want to cause more pain in your life and i dont want you to cause more pain in mine, everytime i feel like this i keep on remembering your last words, leave me alone i cant deal with you anymore and you know what? i can not even deal with myself right now and i want to leave it all alone.
     
  2. wondering

    wondering Active Member

    i'm sorry that you were surrounded only by empty shells, but i know that there are so many who would have loved you for who you are, seeing your pain and being in need of you to get them through their missery.
    you will find if you'll try, after all bad luck just the same as good luck, gotta run out some time.
     
  3. girl_28

    girl_28 Member

    i always hear that i am the one that is wrong, i am the one that wants to ask for attention i am the one that is always desperately asking for some love and smothering everyone making everyone sick of me, not even my parents will deal with me when i am depressed, they think that i have no reasons why to kill myself therefore all of my feelings are a big theater, everytime i start to cry my parents think i am just playing victim and that i either want more money or some unnecesary attention no one realizes how alone i feel, how many things i have to deal with, how sad i am inside and how is it for me to breath but be dead inside. someone told my mom that everytime i have a crisis they should let me alone no matter how many days it will take for me to recover so they are doing that now and all i think is how alone i feel, how much i want someone to be here and hold my hand and talk to me even if you cant help just talk to me, don´t ignore me, i want so bad to kill myself i want so bad to end with this because there´s no one in this world that will care i have no friends, i have no real family, i have nothing but me and i just hate myself i hate myself for loving all the wrong ones, for trusting all the ones that backstabbed me, for humillating myself and let others do whatever they want with my heart and my feelings just to feel that i care at least for 5 minutes to someone. i´ve been used by every man i loved, i´ve been hurt in every possible way by everyone around me, i have no job, i have no friends because i can´t trust... they all laughed about me, they all think i am overreacting, no one knows my real pain.
     
  4. girl_28

    girl_28 Member

    more than 70 readings during the day and no one has anything to say to me? i feel like i make people sick of me, not even online i can get someone to talk to me to tell me that i will be ok i want to die no one talked to me the whole day i am in my room, my stomach is hurting so bad i feel i can even move i feel so weak and my chest is hurting so bad i log in to see if i can read something positive but no one even cares about me right now i make all of you sick i am so repugnant i am so nasty no one will want to help me and why do i need any of you are you any better than i am we all want to die and that´s what i am doing now die finally die no one will care i have nothing in my life.
     
  5. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    sometimes people don't know what to say hun..sometimes they read it and they don't want to just say aww sorry :hug: I am sorry you are feeling the way that you are feeling. Welcome to teh forum and i hope that you do find some help here or some peace.

    kells
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear of all that has happened in your life girl_28. It sounds as if on many occasions you cried out for someone to help you but your pleas went unanswered. I wish that were not true. I cannot tell you that things will be okay, because I really don't know. I know that you will find support here and people that will listen. As kanani mentioned, people may not have responded to your thread because they did not know what to say to you to reassure you that things will be better. Have you ever had any type of professional help? Is there anyone at all you can talk to? We do care what has happened to you. It is true that many of us seek the same out you do, but something makes us hold on. Maybe we can help you find that desire to stay, only because we do understand what it feels like to be desperate for the pain to stop. I am glad you found us and had the courage to post. Take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
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