don’t fit in here

[Kairo]

I can’t make myself speak up very much on chat or here about what’s going in with me, but if I do try to get support I’m usually more far gone than I would have been if I could have talked to someone earlier. I’m afraid to bare my feelings to people most of the time, some of that has to do with fear that I wont get a response... which is a fear that’s been realized quite a few times. It’s really hurtful in the moment, and I come away feeling worse.

I know it’s mostly my fault because I don’t speak up often, so people feel less inclined to talk to me. And when I do, I’m not able to make myself clear very well or express what’s happening to me. Or maybe they just don’t care..which I don’t like to believe, but maybe it’s true in my case. It’s hard not to think that when I usually have to be so persistent if I’m to get a response in a room full of people who are ready to make casual chat with each other, or offer support more readily to someone else than me.

Maybe I’m being unfair... I really don’t know. This is just how I’ve felt for most of the time I’ve been here. I feel like I’m intruding wherever I go. Save for a few, I think everyone feels this way about me. And if those few people aren’t around when I’m in a bad place, I’m on my own.

My life is hard right now...really awful. I’m really alone. I wish I could have made a better impression on people so that I could talk about things.

I really wish I could be apart of this community

 

[lonel]

Hey Sourpants-

that sucks that you dont feel part of the community- for whatever reason- but this seems like a place full of compassionate people ( im new) and its unlikely intentional. im paranoid about being anonymous and this gives me the ability to not really care what people think- nobody knows me so i can be honest. but hey we can chat- anything going on? want to talk about your time here?

ps i like your name

 

[soulreaper]

sour pants just ask me to go to triggering when ever you want to chat, it usually empty then we can talk undisturbed by other conversation.

 

[Kairo]

Thanks for your replies i know it's my fault in the end...and I just don't know what to do about it. But I'm glad you're willing to talk to me, thanks for saying that.

And welcome lonel, I hope you can find some support and comfort here, nice to meet you.

 

[SillyOldBear]

I think that sometimes people in chat just want a lighter conversation. I agree with soulreaper, just sound off and one or more of us will join you in TS.
Or feel free to PM me anytime Sour. I'm gone about 12 hours a day on weekdays, so my response time may be slow, but I will respond. I do like you! I do hope you will feel free to unload at SF.

 

[scaryforest]

hey, drop that inhibition.
errone's here to talk and be talked to
don't outcast yourself for little reason
bless

 

[Cat of Spades]

Maybe you would have better results conversing with someone over private messages.

Not all interaction needs to be publicized in chat, reach out to someone in particular and you may have very positive results.

 

[Kairo]

I'd want to do that more Cat of Spades, I have a lot of trouble innitiation conversation though.
Thank you She Bear.. that means a lot, I hope I can take you up on that.
Thanks scaryfortest, I try to have that mindste, I know It's really no ones fault but mine.

 

[scaryforest]

nah, don't place blame on self, it's just how you feel

but i relate a bit. i go talk to peeps here or start a thread and then think: ye, but no
sort of thing

 

[anoriginalthought]

I understand how it feels to not be able to express yourself in a room full of people. Its like screaming at the top of your lungs and no one is listening. Its worse than being in isolation, it feels like no one cares. Look up communication apprehension when you get a chance. Social interaction is always a give and take for people, dont pretend like you dont want anything because everyone does. Make yourself happy and if you need any help reach out to others. Its your life.

 

[Kairo]

Thanks for the advice anoriginalthought, communication apprehension surely sounds like something I have.