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Don’t know what to do

I kind of few weird posting about my problems on the internet, Though I struggle to talk to family/friends about my issues. I don’t even know how to start this. I guess I’m seeing this as a last resort for some help I guess, I know there will be here with probably stronger reasons for feeling this way, but I guess we’re all different. So I guess I will start by telling you about my current position before telling you how I got here.

At the moment, I have ordered items from the the internet (according to the rules I cannot describe what I’m planning to do?) anyway, according to my research its meant to be a quick painless death, they are currently due to arrive tomorrow. I’m not afraid, no longer fear what I can possibly do to myself at some point, Within the next 48 hours. Although I’m scared of what might happen and honestly at this point, I just want to be free and have peace inside my own head I just cant cope anymore, I’m in pain, I just want to be free

Now to explain how I got here, I’m currently in the middle of a breakup with my long term partner, In fact I don’t even know if we’re breaking up, she says things when she’s angry and upset, but this time it felt more real. I know people will say that stupid to do this over a “girl”, but to me its not, I broke her trust (not by cheating) but by logging in to her social media because I convinced myself that she was up to no good (she wasn’t). And the fear of losing someone that I feel so close to, who makes me happy, even when we fight have have arguments, like every couple. She’s been refusing to talk this out with me, and I’m just so lost, the warm feeling that she made me feel in side when I saw her and her smile, is going and I’m unable to do anything about it. My friends say she just needs a little space but i think this is it.
Welcome to SF Prince Jay.

Sorry that you're going through this. I think it's understandable that the prospect of losing a relationship that's so important to you is having a severe impact.

How long have you been together?

Is this the first time you've felt like the relationship was in trouble?
We have been together for 3 1/2 years or round about. It’s not the first time we’ve had problems, we normaly are able to talk it out, and regain trust and build our relationship, but this time shes unwilling to talk/meet up. And giving me mixed signals when she rarely responds to any form of contact
Ok, it defintiely sounds like it's more serious this time, maybe by far the most serious. She still may change her mind though.

And you said you've had some contact with her, but not much. Some contact is a much better sign than being blocked.


Well-Known Member
Give yourselves a little space and then talk. Sort things out, listen to what she has to say and vice versa. Communication and understanding is the key in any relationship
Do you think something like couples counseling would be possible?
I would be happy to, I’ve brought it up a few times in the past unfortunately, she was nerver up for the idea.

Give yourselves a little space and then talk. Sort things out, listen to what she has to say and vice versa. Communication and understanding is the key in any relationship
That’s one of our biggest problems in our relationship, communication between us when it came to situations like this was Never done in A healthy manner, making our problems worse than they were originally lly


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Sometimes when I'm upset with someone I need time to process through things before I can talk to them about it. I can act out or even extremely irrationally if I try to get into too soon. I don't know if she can relate to that or not, but thought I'd put it out there. I know it feels like the end right now, I get it, but I really would recommend giving yourself some time to work through things.
Do you think you could be convinced to wait this out, maybe try therapy or some other treatment method? Maybe read a book about relationships?
Honesty, I know this may seem over dramatic on my behalf, but honesty I can’t cope with this, I don’t think I can’t hold on anymore, ending it now in my head honestly seems like the best thing to do. I’m people say that doing it will hurt her, but I’m hurting and I just want to be free of this pain


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Hey @ThePrinceJay Love is powerful. And it is painful when you feel it going away. And that pain itself is powerful. But does not last forever. And it can be healed by another love. Think about this. You have your whole life to kill yourself. Why not wait and see what happens? If you end your life, all hope is lost. If you continue living, the hope that things get better exists. And remember you're not alone. There are a lot of great people here who have gone through a lot of pain. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. Feel free to join the chat room. It's a great place to meet people here. We're here for you, and we're glad to have you here.
I can’t cope with this, I don’t think I can’t hold on anymore, ending it now in my head honestly seems like the best thing to do
Sorry that it's this bad.

www.befrienders.org has a world-wide list of suicide crisis hotlines. It sounds like it would be good to call a hotline if you feel like you're on the verge of an attempt.

If you are in the US, you could try The National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or go online to suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Please throw away any methods that you have.
I’m hurting and I just want to be free of this pain
Getting a massage or an acupuncture treatment might provide some immediate relief.

Getting on medication sounds like a good idea too. If you can't tell a doctor that you're suicidal (it's really best to tell them), it's important to make sure that any medication that you get works quickly and has little risk of making you feel worse in the short-run.

There may be some info in this link that could help
Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help
Hey guys, I’m sorry, this is just too much for me, I didn't mean to hurt her, I didn’t mean to hurt anybody.

Her name was Lauren, And to me, she was the most attractive amazing person I could have ever lay eyes on (I’m going to try and attach a picture of us)
<Picture removed per SF guidelines>
she made me feel warm and happy when I was with her, i guess i hurt and broke her just too many times, even though i never intended too it was never my intention to hurt her. But I’ve caused to much pain for her to take me back, for that i am truly sorry. The memories of her just cloud my head.
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I'm going to suggest something that's out in left field, though at this point
it couldn't hurt.

Your gut stasis can have a profound effect on your brain and how it reacts
to stressful situations.

It's my belief that an extreme imbalance, originating from the gut, related
to certain nutrients, is the cause of this.

Try eating plain, organic corn chips and nothing but. It seems to have the
nutrients that balance out this, letting you handle stress better, think better
and just plain feel better. (I could make some guesses why, but I won't here)

What you eat will effect your gut and ultimately every aspect of your existence.
They've just recently discovered the importance of this. And what you consume
affects your gut's environment for both good and ill.

Don't let an unbalanced gut with bad bacteria cause your brain to act the same.

See IF the corn chips helps balance your gut and your over reaction to a bad
situation. (there are several different types of corn, you want the chips one)

And have nothing but mineral water with it to let just the chips feed the gut.

IF you're all set to go, why not see if it's just a show, from things down below. [bad gut]

Corn chips are high in phosphorus and decidedly low in Lysine and B3[niacin],
3 possibilities that are offsetting a potential gut imbalance. Field corn, used in
chips has a very acidifying effect too. (I think an over-alkalized state exists)
Hello guys,

I just thought I’d update you all on my situation, yea I’m still alive, maybe it’s a good thing, maybe it’s not, time is yet to tell, on the day that I last posted I was pretty much done with life, I wrote my note, <mod edit >, to help with what ever pain would come my way, not going to describe what I was going to do, anyway, turns out that one of my friends noticed something off with me in my last few messages with them, which made them think I was about to end myself (they wouldn’t be wrong). Anyway so after saying my last goodbyes. (Which I tried to disguise them as goodbyes. I was ready, I was prepared for the moment. I opened up a picture of me and Lauren, I wanted her to be the last face I saw before I was gone, it was a happy picture, of her amazing smile, from a time when we was very happy. At this point I was very drowsy, I don’t really remember <mod edit >but it was enough to make me extremely tired. At this point I was tearing up, I was crying, not making a noise as I don’t want to wake anyone. I said sorry to her (the picture of her, Lauren still wasn’t taking to me) I closed my eyes, I wasn’t afraid of what was about to happen, although I was shaking, I wasn’t afraid, I knew that I would be free of the pain, I wouldn’t have to cry anymore, or hurt anyone.
Just as I took my last breath, the police are banging on my door, flashing their lights through the windows to see in, baring in mind this was around 23:30 waking my mother, of course this isn’t what I chose to happen, I was angry, scared and confused. I was angry because it put a stop to what I was about to do, scared because i didn’t know what my mother would do/say and confused to what had actually just happened. I spent the new few days under watch, to make sure I didn’t do anything, items taken away that would cause harm, belts, etc.

And here I am today, still here, it’s been an alright day, i guess. Maybe I’ve had a good day? A
Blessing maybe? Maybe someone can tell me so I don’t get my feelings confused. Obviously none of you know me personally and everyone is different so advice is hard to give and accept. I’ll explain my day. Today was going to be another day that I choose to end it, I was going to go to work, come home, end <mod edit>, i ordered <mod edit> online after doing some research, they was meant to come before work as a signed delivery, meaning I had to be home to accept them, unfortunately they came too early, when I was on a walk trying to take in the surrounding area one last time. Meaning that they where taken back to the depo for another delivery attempt tomorrow. Me a little upset by this, goes to work anyway, maybe I can get some there. There wasn’t, Lauren, who works in the same place as me, was there, I saw her and I tried to avoid her as much as possible as the pain was to much, although, me being me, and I don’t know why went and spoke with her, she seemed like she wanted to talk although work was not the best place we did anyway, she said that she had downloaded tinder and made a few matches but all she could think about about was me and that she wanted to try again with me, so we went and sat down and had not the best conversation, she’s still confused I think, but she keeps telling me she doesn’t know, but her telling me that I was all she could think of and that she wanted to try again was all in needed to understand her and what she wants (I hope). I completely understand that we’re not going to be straight to how we was before when we was happy,
But it’s a start, although even messaging her now she still seems like she’s not sure on the idea, I think one of her friends (I’m pretty sure) keeps trying to talk her out of it. Although I’m hurt that she was talking to guys on tinder, she did delete the account in front of me to “prove” that she really wanted to try again. Of course she’s still a little of with talking to me, I’ve offered to take her out to get food but she keeps saying she’s not sure, but she promised she would try with me to make this work, maybe I’m being to pushy to soon to make this work, I don’t know. I just want it to be back to normal and I know it’s gonna take time. One of my news work friends, who is a girl, told me that it’s “obvious” that she wants to get back with me, but she needs to sort her self out, and calm down

im sorry for the wall of text. I hope that someone will read it and tell me that I’m over thinking that she’s being funny with me or something, I really want to make it work, do I still need to give her space when we’re still trying to sort us out, am I rushing? Expecting too much too soon? Please let me know , I really need a friend or someone
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