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Done with all of this shit.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Beka, Jun 21, 2013.

  1. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I am so fucking done with this shit.

    Who cares right? Who cares if I give in. I don't care. My other side is screaming at me to give in so why the fuck not?

    Let it in, let it win.
    I want to scream at everyone. I want to scream at my mother: How dare you think that this is just a phase? How dare you having dealt with mentally ill people all your life think that mine is "just a phase"? I want to scream at my friends : How can you not notice that anything is wrong? How can you just sit there and watch and let me destroy myself?

    Seriously. I fucking hate myself for what I am.

    I hate myself.
    I hate myself.
    I hate myself.

    Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Unlikable. Pathetic. Don't deserve to live. Don't deserve to eat.

    I don't get another chance. I destroyed my own life. I sat there and watched as I destroyed my own life.

    I lie to everyone. Fuck. I even lie to myself.

    My other side is the only reason I'm still here. Teaching me restraint to my SI and to what I tell people.

    I don't want to do this anymore.
    I don't want to be here anymore.
    No one listens to me.

    Everyone thinks I'm just gonna get over it.

    I'm not. I can't get over this.

    I don't know what's real and what isn't. What if I'm just making all of this up?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry all of this is going on for you...is there someone who you are working with? It is so difficult to do all of this on one's own, that I do hope so...and, although many issues are complicated by age and expectations, they are rarely a phase and it feels demeaning to have it put like that...for that I am sorry as well...please keep posting and telling us what is going on
  3. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I was..and then they dismissed me from their service because I ' didn't let them know' I couldn't go to a session which is bullshit. I sent her a damn email and I left a voicemail message.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    is there someone who you can complain to? Did you keep a copy of the email?
  5. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    The emails are all saved on my laptop..I've tried to complain but nothing. The most I can do is attempt to get an appointment with my doctor and just tell him how things are worse and once again be told I should be on medication.
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Get the appt with your doctor - explain the situation, and take the proof of what you've sent and their dismissive response. Ask if there's a different avenue you can pursue.