I am so fucking done with this shit. Who cares right? Who cares if I give in. I don't care. My other side is screaming at me to give in so why the fuck not? Let it in, let it win. I want to scream at everyone. I want to scream at my mother: How dare you think that this is just a phase? How dare you having dealt with mentally ill people all your life think that mine is "just a phase"? I want to scream at my friends : How can you not notice that anything is wrong? How can you just sit there and watch and let me destroy myself? Seriously. I fucking hate myself for what I am. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Unlikable. Pathetic. Don't deserve to live. Don't deserve to eat. I don't get another chance. I destroyed my own life. I sat there and watched as I destroyed my own life. I lie to everyone. Fuck. I even lie to myself. My other side is the only reason I'm still here. Teaching me restraint to my SI and to what I tell people. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. No one listens to me. Everyone thinks I'm just gonna get over it. I'm not. I can't get over this. I don't know what's real and what isn't. What if I'm just making all of this up?