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Practical Advice Done with it all

#1
Hi new here feeling very low. Just feel done with everything. Came to the realisation that I'm entirely alone and there is no one who really cares about whether I continue to live. I say that as I have no relatives (I was foster kid) and no friends only 1 but not very close.

I am married but husband has been playing a lot of weird games in front of his parents like trying to make me look bad or something but it made me realise he doesn't care about me. His parents have always disliked me and I feel like he plays up to it in front of them. It really makes me feel more alone and like I can't trust him.

I gave up alcohol 10 weeks ago and seeing things a lot clearer. Unfortunately things aren't good. Lockdown has of course made things worse. Also think I might be premenopause. Have also been in pain with hip problems and gynaecological issues. Lots of bits coming to a head. Unsure how to continue. Don't like feeling sorry for myself but past the stage of pull myself together.

Husband hasn't noticed I have just been in bed not eating he's just downstairs watching TV. Always had anxiety/depression but this seems different weirdly no self loathing. I am going crazy?

Thank you for reading this.

X
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#2
Welcome and hello. This is a good place to join in with many who may be feeling the same as you and possibly find some comfort and support here.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Hi, welcome to SF.

You don't sound crazy to me. Sounds like you've got a lot going on, and it's sometimes hard to get our head on straight when everything piles up. I'm sorry to hear your husband isn't supportive. That definitely can exacerbate things. It's hard feeling alone in your own home. Plus giving up alcohol (well done on that!) takes away a normal numbing habit and so things I'm sure can feel a bit different.

Have you sought any professional help for the anxiety/depression? Are you getting any support in quitting alcohol?

We're here to listen if you want to talk. We care. *hug
 
#4
Sorry that you're going through this

Do you feel like your marriage could be fixed, and is worth fixing? If he didn't talk badly about you to his parents, would that make all the difference, or is there a lot more to it?

Hugs
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
Hey @User1976 Congratulations on giving up alcohol for so long. It sounds like you're feeling depressed because you're not getting the support you need. Giving up alcohol may also play a role. You gave up something that served as a distraction. I don't think it's enough to just give up an addiction. You have to find something to replace it. Maybe a hobby or meditation would be good. As for support, you'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.
 
#7
Hi. Welcome to the forum.

You don't seem "crazy" at all to me. I'm sorry you are going through what you are going through. Congratulations on giving up the alcohol though! It's also great that you are going to see if you can get some counseling - I think this is a wise move which should be able to help you a lot.

I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs *hug10*sadhug.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#9
Hi there, I'm late to this but I'm glad you woke up today feeling somewhat better. I'm really glad to hear that. Keep posting okay?
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#10
Hi new here feeling very low. Just feel done with everything. Came to the realisation that I'm entirely alone and there is no one who really cares about whether I continue to live. I say that as I have no relatives (I was foster kid) and no friends only 1 but not very close.

I am married but husband has been playing a lot of weird games in front of his parents like trying to make me look bad or something but it made me realise he doesn't care about me. His parents have always disliked me and I feel like he plays up to it in front of them. It really makes me feel more alone and like I can't trust him.

I gave up alcohol 10 weeks ago and seeing things a lot clearer. Unfortunately things aren't good. Lockdown has of course made things worse. Also think I might be premenopause. Have also been in pain with hip problems and gynaecological issues. Lots of bits coming to a head. Unsure how to continue. Don't like feeling sorry for myself but past the stage of pull myself together.

Husband hasn't noticed I have just been in bed not eating he's just downstairs watching TV. Always had anxiety/depression but this seems different weirdly no self loathing. I am going crazy?

Thank you for reading this.

X
honestly based on how u said you are feeling right now you seemed to be in a comfortable place not situation with your husband but more like in a calmer place to be. i know it probably doesn't mean a lot coming from a total stranger but, not a lot of us can find us in a comfortably calm emotional state, so i am proud of you for that.
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#11
Hi new here feeling very low. Just feel done with everything. Came to the realisation that I'm entirely alone and there is no one who really cares about whether I continue to live. I say that as I have no relatives (I was foster kid) and no friends only 1 but not very close.

I am married but husband has been playing a lot of weird games in front of his parents like trying to make me look bad or something but it made me realise he doesn't care about me. His parents have always disliked me and I feel like he plays up to it in front of them. It really makes me feel more alone and like I can't trust him.

I gave up alcohol 10 weeks ago and seeing things a lot clearer. Unfortunately things aren't good. Lockdown has of course made things worse. Also think I might be premenopause. Have also been in pain with hip problems and gynaecological issues. Lots of bits coming to a head. Unsure how to continue. Don't like feeling sorry for myself but past the stage of pull myself together.

Husband hasn't noticed I have just been in bed not eating he's just downstairs watching TV. Always had anxiety/depression but this seems different weirdly no self loathing. I am going crazy?

Thank you for reading this.

X
kind of a bad thing to ask but, how did you stand to marry a man like that? ๐Ÿ˜…
 

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#12
Hi new here feeling very low. Just feel done with everything. Came to the realisation that I'm entirely alone and there is no one who really cares about whether I continue to live. I say that as I have no relatives (I was foster kid) and no friends only 1 but not very close.

I am married but husband has been playing a lot of weird games in front of his parents like trying to make me look bad or something but it made me realise he doesn't care about me. His parents have always disliked me and I feel like he plays up to it in front of them. It really makes me feel more alone and like I can't trust him.

I gave up alcohol 10 weeks ago and seeing things a lot clearer. Unfortunately things aren't good. Lockdown has of course made things worse. Also think I might be premenopause. Have also been in pain with hip problems and gynaecological issues. Lots of bits coming to a head. Unsure how to continue. Don't like feeling sorry for myself but past the stage of pull myself together.

Husband hasn't noticed I have just been in bed not eating he's just downstairs watching TV. Always had anxiety/depression but this seems different weirdly no self loathing. I am going crazy?

Thank you for reading this.

X
Hi @User1976 , sorry I'm late to this but I wanted to say that your husband sounds like a narcissist and you can find lots of information on this that will help you understand what is happening to you and why you feel so bad. Try Surviving Narcissism, Dr Ramani and The Enlightened Target on YouTube. I'm married to one too and have been through all the health issues, the in-laws games, the gaslighting, the lack of empathy. In fact, narcissists behaviour is textbook and that makes them easy to read. Knowledge is power and especially with narcs. The important thing is for you to realise that are NOT going crazy, you are NOT imagining it and sadly, he is NOT going to change. I'm glad you don't have self loathing and it's not weird because, I think, your instincts are already telling you that this isn't about you. It's very likely that one or both of his parents are narcs too so they will be playing games along with him. But it's not too late to get educated about them, get wise to the games and learn how to disengage. I felt the same way as you too but now I feel a lot more in control. Stay off the alcohol - he probably didn't help you and I would bet he probably ridiculed you for it to keep you using it. Feel free to DM me if you want. Do know that you are not alone. Stay strong! *hug
 

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#13
kind of a bad thing to ask but, how did you stand to marry a man like that? ๐Ÿ˜…
It's a reasonable question but I'm nearly 100% sure he is a narcissist and textbook behaviour with them is to play the Prince Charming role and then move very fast to secure their target. In fact, if I had known back then what I know now, I would have realised straight away from the warning signs that my husband was a narc. We married 9 months after we met and even then he wanted to marry sooner but I delayed for unrelated reasons. Narcissists are those people that everyone loves, who are the life and soul of the party, the attentive partners. They are disguised until their 'target' can't get away. The classic case of the person who changes dramatically after you marry them.
 

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