Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wishiwasdead, Sep 1, 2013.

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  1. wishiwasdead

    wishiwasdead Member

    Cant do this anymore. I hurt all the time. I have always been left. Never good enough for someone to fight for or try. I do more harm then good. Maybe my children would be better off with their mother instead of me. Noone cares. people are so easy to get involved when they can encourage people to leave but NOONE steps up to save a family. Cant do this. Just want the pain and hurt to end.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you arein so much pain hun I am also sorry no one is stepping in to help you Is there a church person you can talk to someone in the community that you can reach out to.
    I know it is hard hun but please reach out to what ever resources you have and use them Your children love you very much talk to your doctor he or she may have some connections as well for you to help ok hugs
  3. wishiwasdead

    wishiwasdead Member

    No talking does not help. Only my wife can but divorce will be final Tuesday. I want to die still married.
  4. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    Wish -

    I am in a similar situation. Wife does not want to talk anymore, sleep together anymore, have anything to do with each other. We live in the same house because we can't afford to keep up 2 houses.

    I know this situation is not good for the kids, and a lot of the time I feel like I have failed them by not being a good enough husband to make my wife continue to love me and want to be with me. I often feel like she would be better off if I were dead (actually, I usually feel like that), and then I feel like I haven't been the father they deserve. And often I feel like I want to die, and am convinced that I deserve to die. And I feel like the pain would be all gone if I died, so it sounds so desirable.

    But, wishiwasdead, you need to listen to me. We are fathers! We don't have the option to just drop out of life. Our children are going to go through a hard time, no matter what we do. The fact that our wives feel they will be happier without us has already decided that, and we cannot change that. But we can help them to get through this painful time.

    They see Mom and Dad going their different ways, and the love they thought was there forever is suddenly gone! They wonder if there is anything they know will be there. They wonder if love can be counted on. "Will they stop loving me? Will they leave me, just like they left each other?" You are the only person who can make sure the answer to those questions is NO!

    Believe me, I know what it is like to feel like you are alone in the world, that no one loves you, and that everyone would just be one burden less if you were gone. I cannot tell you how often I feel that way. I loathe myself. And I wish I could die. And every breath of life seems painful and like a labor to continue.

    But here is the question: do you want your children to know that same pain? Because if you abandon them (if you end your life, that is what it will seem like to them) when they are going through this divorce, they will learn that no one loves them enough to be relied on. If you leave them, then they will only wonder when their mother will abandon them as well. If your love wasn't enough for them to be sure you would be there, they won't trust that their mother will always be with them - they will always be afraid that Mom will leave them, too. And if they don't trust in the love of their own parents, how will they ever really believe that anyone else in the world loves them? Of course, it is possible to heal from a wound like you want them to go through that?

    Wishiwasdead, you are important to those children - maybe more important to them now than you were when your marriage was still sound! They need to know that they have a father who loves them so much that even a divorce is not enough to break it, and that he will be there with them even in the hardest times.

    They desperately need you to be strong for them! You get help - any kind of help you have to get. Do anything - anything - that needs to happen so you can be strong, be healthy, and be there for them. Think about it; you can give them a solid foundation for life, a chance to live without the pain of depression and suicidal thoughts that you have to live with. Wouldn't that be worth it? To look at the next generation, almost like it is a little "you," and know that this time it doesn't have to happen? They don't have to live with crippling depression? And even if one does develop depression, knowing that, unlike you, they have a father who knows what they are going through and can hold their hand and walk them through the most painful part of it? You can give them that! You can give them what you wish you had as a child.

    I know you love your children. For their sake, do whatever you have to do to be there to give them what only you can give.

    We're here for you. We care about you here. :hug:

    You and I are fathers. Stand with me. We can do this together. We can stand strong, brother.
  5. wishiwasdead

    wishiwasdead Member

    If you knew the entire story you would understand maybe. Going to get drunk see what happens. Cant bear going into court Tuesday married coming out divorced. Would rather her be a widow then a divorcee.
  6. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    You are right in that I don't know the entire story. But I have never (even in cases where the children were severely abused) heard of a situation in which the children would not be traumatized by the suicide of their father. Even if your relationship with them is not good, it will damage them if you die - especially in that way. Please, hang on!

    If it would help to talk, I'm here. PM me if you want to.
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