I have always been that person whom tried to cheer others up. I have always been the supportive one. About 15 years ago, we got a phone call that my mother in law had died. Shocking to the family is putting it mildly. She was the glue that held us all together. I felt I needed to take over that matriarchal role. Over the next years our family started dropping like flies. My mother, father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and several friends. We averaged 2/yr for 10 years. At this point, the total is 25. Needless to say, it would be daunting to anyone. Three years ago, we decided to pick up our family and move to be closer to what little family was left. Without boring you with all the details; it feels like that was the biggest mistake of my life. My son has become depressed and he has seemingly given up. The family hasn't tried to even get to know him. I had fallen back into some old habits that I worked so hard to conquer (I've managed to get them under control again). My husband (although I love him dearly) had checked out on the parenting. Mostly because he's at a loss for what to do. There is so much more to the story but in short, I find myself thinking a lot lately of checking out myself. Only for good. I feel like I am constantly being made to feel like everything is my fault. Financially-because I haven't finished nursing school. Relationship-because depression has held me hostage, etc....I feel like if I am gone, then they would be forced to move on. Maybe my husband would then find someone with the ambition he desires; affording the "better life" that I know he wants. Life has exhausted me. The only reason I haven't taken my life so far is for fear of the pain those I love will endure. I can feel myself getting numb to that lately. If I talk to someone about this, I usually get the "others have it worse" argument OR "hang in there, it'll pass". I am aware others have it worse but that statement does nothing but anger me. I have always given 1000% of myself to others & now that I need support, I'm being told to 'get over it' because OTHERS have it worse?! The majority of me just wants to write letters to those I love and check out. I feel myself becoming numb.