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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rukia, Apr 12, 2007.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking a lot about suicide lately, and I've decided that it's time for me to leave. I should have died 4 years ago, but I guess it's better to do it now. I'm not going to do this because of depression, and not really because of the voices (though "they" are thrilled with my decision). I'm going to do this because I don't want to live anymore. I've been living for others for the last 6 years, because I don't want to hurt people, but I have to think about what I want now. My friends and family might get hurt, but there's no one in my life that won't get over it and forget me. Many of them won't even notice that I'm gone.
    "They" have decided on how I'm going to do it, and I agree that it's a good method. The only thing left for me to do is to figure out where and when. Where is not really important, it's not like I'm going to tell anyone where I'll be. When is a big dilemma. It has to be this weekend or in 2 weeks.
    If I end it this weekend, it'll finally be over. :smile:
    But if I wait 2 more weeks I'll be able to see my friends again, I can write a long letter to my parents and I can throw away everything they don't need of my things. :unsure:

    I'm not writing this because I want to be saved, but I need to get it out of my head.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm not going to try and save you.

    But if you are dying because you don't want to live, how do you know that won't change?

    You might have felt wretched for a long time, but how do you know it will always be like that?

    Don't you owe yourself the chance for it to get better? Otherwise fighting for so long has been a waste.

  3. Is sounds as though your decision to end your life is being affected alot by the voices you are hearing hun, and that in itself is a very big problem . Do you see a psychologist/psychiatrist/counsellor/doctor anyone? There are alot of things that can be done to get rid of the unwelcome voices hun, have you tried anything? Thinking about suicide yourself is hard , very hard,but having those thoughts supported by voices makes things so much harder.. If you sorted out the voices , maybe you'd be able to think better.

    Its good that you wrote this, even if not to be saved. noone here CAN save you, only you can do that with the support of other people. we can all listen and offer you as much support and advice as you need or want.Keep posting, get it all out of your head- maybe it would make things clearer?

    I hope you dont go through will your plans, theres always another way through, even if it doesnt seem like it at the time. No that we are here and care, and you can also PM me anytime. xxx
  4. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    Maybe things would get better if I get my head sorted, but I doubt it. I was suicidal long before the voices appeared, and I've known that I'd die young since I was 4-5 years old. I've given myself many chances to get better, but I always end up feeling worse.
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You might have ended up feeling worse before, and that's awful. But it doesn't mean it will always be that way.

    There could be something out there that makes you feel better.

    I do agree with Rose, getting help for your voices could make the world of difference, make your battle less hard.

    If you are meant to die early, then you will die anyway, without suicide. If you are not meant to die early then you won't, attempting suicide or not. But of course, that might just be my view on it.
  6. if you keep giving yourself chances, one day the odds are in favour of you, things have to get better,, just a thought xx
  7. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I know you're both right, but I'm so tired of trying. "They" won't let me see a doctor, so I'm stuck with "them".
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It is important that you remember that it is YOUR head, and YOUR body, and YOU are in control. Not 'them'. They can tell you things and lie to you, but they can't actually do anything, unless you do it to yourself.

    If you can't find a way to see a doctor, could you write a letter and post it to your doc? Or have a telephone appointment and explain why you are having it? Or tell someone everything and get them to write it down and show the doc?

    'They' have NO right to say what you do, who you see, etc. So remind yourself that you are in control. Yes, they can talk away, but you don't havbe to act on them. Pretend they are annoying brothers and sisters and that you are tuning them out.

    Have you ever tried listening to music in one ear, ie putting one ear phone in? That is supposed to disrupt the brain signals that cause auditory hallucinations, so it might be worth trying that.

    Also, some people picture a volume switch in their brain and turn it down when the voices get loud. it takes a lot of concentration, but it might be worth a go too.

    Hang in there honey
  9. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I don't think I'd want to live, even if "they" go away. I have to live for myself, but I can't live for a person I don't like, and I really don't like myself. :unsure:
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    If 'they' go away you would have a better shot at helping yourself without being constantly battered and sabotaged in your head.

    Maybe building your self esteem might help you to realise that there are good things about yourself, because there ARE good things, you just can't see them.

    If you go to google and type in 'ways to improve your self esteem' then that brings up a lot of things that you could do to help yourself. Maybe it's worth trying them.
  11. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    maybe, you should read this book about how to do it?

    <mod edit Robin: Pls do not promote a pro suicide book>
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 12, 2007
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    ^^Does that really promote a pro-life attitude?

    I'm not sure about the book, but I'm not sure I like the sound of it. Personally, it sounds like it inidicates tip sharing.
  13. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Please don't do this sweety talk to me about it please just don't,I would care if you were to go I mean it.:sad:
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