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lightning05

Well-Known Member
#1
I really don't care anymore. I'm tired of trying and hitting walls. I'm tired of being miserable. I can't get any fucking relief. If I didn't have my wonderful boyfriend or my cats I don't know where I'd be right now or even if I would still be alive. This is the first time in years I feel like I'm unable to stop myself from the self harm urges and I am scared if I start then I will go all the way and do something drastic. I'm so fucking exhausted I keep getting knocked down and up again and knocked down and I just want to scream and punch and kick and honestly I just want to die. I'm tired of rejection and failure and trying so hard to make things work and to stay fucking positive. Well I'm about to just say fuck it. Stop fucking trying so hard. Then maybe things will actually go well for me.
 

Lekatt

Love Cats Love All
SF Supporter
#2
Whoa! Whoa!, You may be onto something. Time to stop caring and worrying about things that upset you. Time to focus on the good things like the bf and cats. I love cats, my family has rescued homeless cats for years. They are loving and sit in my lap for hours at a time showing me their love. It is OK to feel upset about things, we all do at times. There is much in life we have no control of and it can be very troublesome. Try letting go, taking a break, walking away to do something you enjoy. Try forgiving life and others for not understanding, not even knowing they are upsetting you. Just cool, and think about love. God bless, and I wish you the best of everything.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#3
I really don't care anymore. I'm tired of trying and hitting walls. I'm tired of being miserable. I can't get any fucking relief. If I didn't have my wonderful boyfriend or my cats I don't know where I'd be right now or even if I would still be alive. This is the first time in years I feel like I'm unable to stop myself from the self harm urges and I am scared if I start then I will go all the way and do something drastic. I'm so fucking exhausted I keep getting knocked down and up again and knocked down and I just want to scream and punch and kick and honestly I just want to die. I'm tired of rejection and failure and trying so hard to make things work and to stay fucking positive. Well I'm about to just say fuck it. Stop fucking trying so hard. Then maybe things will actually go well for me.
What do you mean when you say you want things to go well for you? You have a wonderful boyfriend and a bunch of cats, the most kick-ass predators around. What else needs to go well? I have this cat, a long-haired one, she was a stray. I was gonna just leave her out there, but that bushy tail is to die for. Do any of your cats have bushy tails? When she's just walking around all graceful and everything, tail in the air, I like to push her down into the ground so she can't move. Just being playful of course.

Is it career stuff where you're experiencing the rejection and failure? I'd like to know more about the source of your pain.
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#4
Yes my "career" if you can even call it that as I only worked in the industry for 3 years and have been trying to get back in for over 2. I don't want to re-live all the awful shit that happened the first 3 years.. it's all on the forum somewhere. But I think when the universe keeps pushing you away from something you should probably listen so it's my fault for trying so hard to try and do something that won't happen. Not everyone gets to have the career they want. So now I'm trying to come up with a different career path because I can't take the heartbreak anymore and I've tried everywhere. Fuck em all.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#6
i'm sorry that you are struggling so much right now. like i tell others cherish the good and survive the bad. your good is your bf and the cats and im sure you can find other good things in your life. the bad of course is your career and other negative stuff in your life. try to evaluate if you want to continue in your career and if you do keep looking for a job you'll like. please don't give up. i hope things get better for you soon...mike...*hug*shake
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#7
Rejection while job hunting is hard to take. I know that feeling.
It's heartbreaking to be qualified and to want to do something so badly and not be able to. I feel right now I have no choice but to start over and do something different. I'm at a place right now where I'm so frustrated and depressed over how poorly this has gone for the past few years that I know if I keep trying it will be completely detrimental to my health as I'm already nearing a breaking point. I'm very close to rock bottom right now and am even starting to feel suicidal again.
 

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