Well tonight was the gala fundraising evening that my 16 year old put on for his school. It was a very nice evening,. And I was so proud of him. Seeing him there in his suit and in charge of the evening made me realize what a wonderful young man he was growing into. Tonight gave me at least some peace knowing that he is going to be somebody one day. Now I play the waiting game. But it is going to be so hard. Just driving home my mind kept drifting to how easy it would be to commit suicide tonight rather than wait. At one point I looked at the speedometer and I was going 160km. But then I realized that my son would be driving that same route home in a couple of hours. What if he would be the one to find me? So I slowed down and made my way home. The only thing that is wrong with my plan is that I will still be alone. And that scares me. I never planned on being so alone now in my life. And I need to figure out some way of not being alone in my final moments. Well, at least I have something to do now to occupy my last day. I just had to throw this thought out there.