Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Nov 18, 2007.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well tonight was the gala fundraising evening that my 16 year old put on for his school. It was a very nice evening,. And I was so proud of him. Seeing him there in his suit and in charge of the evening made me realize what a wonderful young man he was growing into. Tonight gave me at least some peace knowing that he is going to be somebody one day. Now I play the waiting game. But it is going to be so hard. Just driving home my mind kept drifting to how easy it would be to commit suicide tonight rather than wait. At one point I looked at the speedometer and I was going 160km. But then I realized that my son would be driving that same route home in a couple of hours. What if he would be the one to find me? So I slowed down and made my way home. The only thing that is wrong with my plan is that I will still be alone. And that scares me. I never planned on being so alone now in my life. And I need to figure out some way of not being alone in my final moments. Well, at least I have something to do now to occupy my last day. I just had to throw this thought out there.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You mentioned how proud you are of your son and what a fine young man he is turning out to be. He is growing and maturing, but he is still a teenager. He needs you to be there for him for a long time in the future. He still has many years of growing up to do. Please do not lose sight of the things that are so important. Not only do you hold your life in your hands, but you hold the life of your son as well.
  3. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    you have so much more to give hun, please stay with us

    stay safe
  4. I can only begin to tell you how that boy needs his father in his life. He is at an impressionable age, and will most likely be left feeling hate towards you for a very long time after your death. Why did you leave him. Why couldn't he do anything to stop it. Why does he now have to walk this path alone. What did he do to deserve it? All trails of thought that he will process at some time, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth as he does. It will take a long time to forgive. He will not grieve properly. You will leave him scarred. That boy may not grow into the man you want him to be.

    Your path and his are in your hands. This is one of the responsibilities that came with parenthood, my friend.

    I feel for you, I truly do. It's never easy knowing you have to stick it out in fear of destroying others. My love goes out to you.
  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Stay with us :hug:
  6. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    Over the past few days, as you've stood at the edge, you've turned to look over your shoulder and you've found a number of us reaching out to you, both here and in PM. You've stretched out your hand and grasped ours. And for a time, you've taken a step back from the edge. In those days, you've also reached out and helped others step back from the brink.

    So, please look back over your shoulder once again. We are all still here, hands outstretched to you. But also, there is another soul here with us, reaching out to you... a young man who needs his Mother. He is, without knowing it, reaching out to you. And you, I think, are reaching out to him. Take his hand, and take our hands. Please let all of us help you to take a step away from the edge once more.

    Please be safe... please.
  7. Oh my, I'm so sorry. I assumed you were male. How stupid of me. I dont even know why I did that. I'm terribly sorry, itmahanh.
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thanks everyone at SF that tried to help me. Please close this thread.
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