I don't even know why I took the time to create a profile here...I sat here for about an hour hovering over the confirm button wondering if I should even bother. I don't care how I sound here I guess it's just instinct driving me to make one last attempt because as sure as I am that my logic is terribly flawed I can't get out of it I just can't find a reason to live anymore. It's all arbitrary. I just don't want anything to do with it anymore I just don't care I want out I want to feel happy just for a while...even a day or two would be enough just a day or two...and not perpetually sad/sick/nervous/anxious. Everyone always says 'you have so much to live for...this will pass and you will look back on these days as a diferent person...what if I don't care about the future...I don't care what happens to the world and to be honest, I hope 2012 is the end...only 3 years left in this hell hole pretending to be something I'm not, pretending to be alright and choking back tears in front of everyone at random times that I don't understand, sometimes I just wish I could close my eyes and open them as someone else-somewhere else. No one can give me a reason to live...I have no attatchment to this world anymore I don't care about anything...I don't care about my future, it can rot in hell for all I care...I don't care how my friends and family will feel...guilt trips are nothing to me anymore...don't tell me anything just leave me be, let me rot. I know my friends will never understand they all hold the position that suicides are pussies who can't handle the world, are weak, or just plain stupid...well can you blame them? This place sucks why would anyone want to be here? Maybe as a quick 3 day vacation but how can anyone handle this place into old age? It's just one big dissappointment after another. Well call me a pussy I don't care, say I took the easy way out because it doesn't matter anyway. I don't know it just seems that things are kind of tolerable for a few days and then one small thing comes up or nothing comes up and I just immediately sink into depression for days...no weeks to months is more accurate. I just don't get it...my days consist of sleeping as long as I possibly can sometimes until 3-5pm, getting up eating something occassionally pigging out and binging, going on my computer going on facebook noting how everyone is doing , occassionally finding the energy to exercise, and then going back to bed. I thought things would be better when I went to university...you know get out their and lay as many women as you can, get a sweet job, make friends, maybe find a future wife or husband...how pointless and thin...I flunked out anyway. And I am done with trying to find relationships I don't care anymore...as soon as they find out I am bi, it's over. Man or woman, it's the same gig every time and what the point in looking for love anyway when it is doomed to die? You have to be a glutton for punishment to even try. Have fun, I'm out.