done

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by FBD, Jul 7, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    my boss thinks im worthless- i dont get respect or responsibility i just get laughed at im pretty sure he regrets hireing me. my coworkers dont like me. i dont have many friends, if any at all. i dont matter.


    i want to be done with everything
     
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    Hey there..

    You do matter :hug: ..
    Your boss shouldnt make you feel inadequate.. can you ask for a meeting or something where you can talk about how hes making you feel? Maybe take a friend/family member with you .. you would be able to have someone with you by law.. You could even contact someone higher up the chain if you didnt feel comfortable talking to your boss..
    Alternatively could you possibly look for another job?
    I dont have many friends either.. it gets me down too.. but try to stay strong.. we have each other on SF..

    Take care.. x
     
  3. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    thanks for the response...i guess i should elaborate a little bit more...

    im currently at uni, and my boss is one of my professors, i do research for him, so leaving the lab means giving up on what ive been working on...so im not sure leaving would be the best option. as for talking to him, i got a semester left so why not avoid it at all costs.

    i duno i just dont wanna be here anymore, i wont try to end it myself, but self injury looks better and better every day, i used to be really bad with that, ive done better than i used to. but i just i duno
     
  4. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    What kind of a professor is that? a disgraceful one. Tell the dean. Dont put up with that. DONT HURT YOURSELF. They are the ones at fault not you!!!! YOU matter!!!! The people you talk about seem to spiritually ill. Treat yourself well and dont ever take those others seriously. WE CARE and you MATTER here. PLEASE STAY AND LET US HELP. I send you all my love and hope!!!!

    Write me if you like,

    Marty
     
  5. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Coly I hope you know you matter to me. :hug: Your the sweetest girl ever...and if that fucked up boss and stupid coworkers cant see that then something is wrong with them not you sweetie. :hug: Hang in there. Im here if you need to talk...u can call or text me anytime
     
  6. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    im sorry guys, im just cracking into a million pieces right now, and nothing seems to be going half decently even i just i duno
     
  7. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Do some nice things for yoursefl. And just GET through today. Sneding love and hope.
     
  8. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    cant it just stop




    cant i have a break




    of course not




    i just i duno my head wont stop it just keeps going ive been on the verge of tears all day i just cant
     
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I think you need a hug. :hug:
     
  10. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    You can have a break. Just wait and things change. ALWAYS. thats the best and most difficult thing about life. It always changes. I am praying and send love to you and wish with all my heart that you are a peace. Tell us more about your life and whats bothering you. PLEASE we want to know and help. We WILL help you find hope and happiness!!!!

    Write me if you like,

    Marty
     
  11. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    well, right now i just feel like i have no one. like this is the only place where i can even think about talking about things, because irl i have noone really. i mean i have a few people, well like 2 that i can talk to, but i duno, its hard when they dont understand everything and im still having isues saying everything thats wrong.


    ive always kept things inside i sometimes give people a glimpse but theres some things ive still never told anyone, thoughts that scare the shit outta me. its like i cant control myself, or what im thinking. i want to "get better" but its like i wontlet myself. part of me, which is basically the majority of me, wont let me get better. i have to suffer.

    its gotten pretty bad, now when i eat, i tend to feel sick. i dont get it, its like theres some part of me that wants me to have an ed again, just so i can punish myself. ill try to eat, and after a few bites its like i just cant eat it. i feel sick and i know if i continue eating i will get sick.

    im not good enough either. people think im worthless. i know it too, people say horrible things about me, and they make judgements. in the past, ive tried to be around people, and go out and drink and such with them. thats when i was fighting the hardest i tried to be social and hang out with people. where did that get me? alone. people think i just want to go out and such, truth is, im not a huge fan of getting hammered, id rather spend time with a few people and have a small buzz, but thats not how my uni works. plus well id need a few friends, which yeah

    my bdays comin up, no one seems to want to celebrate with me, ive asked many people. so it just seems to be confirming everything i believe

    im useless, im worthless, i am alone, i always will be, nothing will change that, no one would notice if i started hurting myself again. i dont think ill end it, at least not yet-but no one would notice cause im alone.

    im sorry for rambling :(
     
  12. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    I felt bad reading your post Im so sorry that you have been hurt so much.
     
  13. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    it sucks, but its how it is and how its always gunna be...accepting it is just a PIA. im not gunna give up and end my life, but the suffering and the pain and proally the thoughts and possibly si actions are always gunna be here


    tbh i dont think ive ever stopped the si, i just switched to methods people accept more, like drinking, being anti-social, i still use food and water as a ways to punish myself too...its always gunna be here its never gunna change.

    ive actually done things in front of people (besides drinking) and they dont notice, so why would i change or stop. people dont notice people dont care so well i guess its not really the wrong thing to be doing. i deserve everything i do to hurt myself i know i do...i think i deserve more and im sure a great majority of the people around me would agree...at least the ones i know in person


    once again im sorry for rambling ill work on it
     
  14. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    im not gunna give up Good for you!!!! You are so strong!!!! I am so impressed!

    still use food and water as a ways to punish myself too...its always gunna be here its never gunna change. It can change. Please dont say "never:. Im praying for you and hope you do too. It CAN change. I have stopped some self punishing behavior. We just have to try to understand WHY you are punishing yourself? What did you do? Why do you feel you need punishment. It might be you punish yourself for what other have done to you. Its a kind of sacrifice.

    i deserve everything i do to hurt myself i know i do...i think i deserve more and im sure a great majority of the people around me would agree...at least the ones i know in person WHY???? Help me understand please.

    once again im sorry for rambling ill work on it I hope you wite long posts so we can understand more and more what is bothering you. I think you are a great person and I want to know what is bothering you. I send my love and hope to you!!!!

    Write me if you like,

    Marty
     
  15. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    with the way people treat me, and act around me all i can think is that im a bad person...i try to be nice to people, but with the responses i get im sure im not and that means im a bad person an should be punished.


    my grades arent good enough, and because of that i need to be punished, i need to be smarter and i need to do better, but if i dont it means i need to be punished more so i can do better.


    ive played sports all my life, and when i get subbed out if i didnt do good enough im not allowed to drink water. water is a reward for someone who has done good in the game and if i havent done good i dont deserve it


    if i upset someone i need to be punished. if i hurt a friend, or even if the person is not my friend i deserve to be punished. typically this will result in a loss of a meal, possibly more.


    im too heavy, a lot of people might disagree with me on that one but i am, and when i see myself i want to stop eating again, ive actually told myself this so many times, but i always fail, and when i fail i need to be punished so its a long drawn out cycle that always continues


    if i am put down by someone, it means ive done something wrong. when my boss or coworkers make me feel inadequate it is because i am or because ive done something that made me inadequate. and once again need to be punished


    then theres the whole i have depression thing, so once one little thing happens, i find many more reasons i need to be punished. its like a snowball effect, one negative thought and then i can find all the other things ive done wrong.


    im sure theres more, but i cant think right now
     
  16. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry you feel you need to be so hard on yourself. I just said a prayer for you. PLEASE try to see the goos on yoursefl and that you are only human. YOU need love and encouragement. Thats what I want to offer you. Forget the punishement. Learn to love and be good to yourself


    Why do you always think the answer is punishment?

    Also why do yuo think just because people dont treat you well there is something wrong with you? maybe they have a problem. You are probably a great person and these other people are just beng mean.


    What about forgiveness? Do you have to be punished for everything? Try forgiving yoursefl. Maybe the people you upset arent angry and dont want you punished. PLEASE STOP HURTING YOURSELF

    again if others put you down maybe that refelcts badly on them. Not you.

    You are FAR too hard on yourself. If you have a weight problem do your best to correct it. But punishment? I think you need love and forgiveness.

    WHo taught you to punish all the time?

    Why punish yourself for being depressed? isnt tjhat punishment enough?

    You we are often harder on oursleves than others would be. DONT hurt yourself.PLEASE . Learn the lesson of forgiveness that leads to love and brings real happiness!!!!

    Stay here and we will give you love and help you forgive yourself and the ones who hurt you. We LOVE and CARE about you!!!!


    Write me if you like,

    Marty
     
  17. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry you feel you need to be so hard on yourself. I just said a prayer for you. PLEASE try to see the goos on yoursefl and that you are only human. YOU need love and encouragement. Thats what I want to offer you. Forget the punishement. Learn to love and be good to yourself
    i dont deserve love

    Why do you always think the answer is punishment?
    when someone does something wrong they need to be punished so that they learn, im not learning so the punishments arent severe enough

    Also why do yuo think just because people dont treat you well there is something wrong with you? maybe they have a problem. You are probably a great person and these other people are just beng mean.


    What about forgiveness? Do you have to be punished for everything? Try forgiving yoursefl. Maybe the people you upset arent angry and dont want you punished. PLEASE STOP HURTING YOURSELF
    if i punish myself, whatever punishments others dish out i can handle


    again if others put you down maybe that refelcts badly on them. Not you.
    but when tons of people are doing it, how can i think its not true

    You are FAR too hard on yourself. If you have a weight problem do your best to correct it. But punishment? I think you need love and forgiveness.
    im 5'6" i weigh about 130lbs, which i believe is "normal" but i still hate the way i look

    WHo taught you to punish all the time?
    when someone does something wrong they get punished, parents punish children, adults go to jail, its the way society is, you get punished for wrong doing

    Why punish yourself for being depressed? isnt tjhat punishment enough?
    the depression just confirms i need to be punished


    You we are often harder on oursleves than others would be. DONT hurt yourself.PLEASE . Learn the lesson of forgiveness that leads to love and brings real happiness!!!!
    ive adopted my standards from my parents, i have to have A's, i have to be good i have to do well in what i try i need to put in lots of effort and be better...but it doesnt seem as though ill ever be good enough
     
  18. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Maybe you need to adopt your own standards not what others impose on you.

    Why dont you deserve love? Are you so sure the rest of the world is so deserving? Why do you think this?

    People also learn through rewards not just punishment.

    Why should you Have to handle the punishment others dish out? Who are they to punish you?


    If you are unhappy with the way you look then lets get a plan and change.

    Depression confirms you need to be punished? depression is a form of punishment sometimes I think.

    Maybe your parents are putting too much pressure on you. Can you talk to them about it? You are also putting too much pressure on you. We'll love you Aor B or anything else~~~~
     
  19. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member



    thanks, its a lot to tihnk about and work on, ill try, but i cant promise itll work out....ill put in effort thou
     
  20. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    My pleasure. I am ALWAYS here for you. ALWAYS
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.