don't ask

haven't been able to stay awake after getting home for weeks - she's starting to complain

tonight she started harping on me to see the doctor - thinks i need to go to a cardiologist

had indigestion twice in the last three weeks - that's all

then she asks if i thought it would better to wait until i had a heart attack and died on the couch

was i supposed to tell her she was right?

want to die so badly - all i can think about - methods lining up in my head - reviewing, refining plans

 

Breaking my own "no internet when I should be sleeping (or rather, when I should be in bed, tossing and turning)" and was drawn to your post, WE. I very much relate to your feelings and empathize with your situation. I haven't had health insurance in years, and my partner is constantly harping on me over every perceived health "hiccup". Yes, I avoid seeing a doctor because: 1. We don't have an extra $200 to throw around -and- 2. I've always had a touch of doctor phobia. But the main thing that keeps me from the doctor, even when I really need medical attention, is the fact that like you, it just seems pointless to see a doctor when 99% of the time, I wish some rare disease would crop up and put me out of my misery. Sorry to use your thread to vent my own issue. I just think that this is the first time I've heard anyone put my own feelings on the subject into words! Even worse, I have no words of wisdom to help you through your dilemma (or mine!). Just know that I understand, I care and I would miss you if you had a heart attack on the couch (or met your demise in any way). Sending hugs and friendship, and wishing both of us enough good to restore our will to be healthy. :console: ...T

 

I can't offer any advice about your medical situation

Just know that I do care, and you're important to me